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As you might have noticed, we’ve been pretty inactive around here of late. That is going to change; there is going to be a new theme and some regular editorial content hopefully starting next week.

Rumors of our death are greatly exaggerated.

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(Reuters) – Burglars snorted the cremated remains of a man and two dogs in the mistaken belief that they had stolen illegal drugs, Florida sheriff’s deputies said on Wednesday.

According to the story, apparently once they realized that the stuff wasn’t heroin or cocaine, they thought about returning the ashes to the victim, but dumped it instead. Brilliant — yet another charge of illegally disposing human remains to go with the other charges.

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1. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, unless current fashion dictates that the views of that religion are politically or popularly incorrect, in which case, it should be ridiculed, and discriminated against, in the public square, especially during the winter holidays, or if some non-believer has his feelings hurt.

Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances, unless it’s using “public airwaves”, “The Internet” or other commonly held properties assumed to be in the ownership domain of Congress. Then, all bets are off, and you’d better watch your step.

2. The right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed, unless we don’t like the “shape” of your scary Arms, because everyone knows that an “Assault Weapon” is much more dangerous than a regular semi-automatic rifle. Also, complex rules and regulations, training and licensing, tracking and supervision, are not “infringements”; they are for your own good, children.

3. No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law. This one we’ll honor, for now.

4. The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized — unless you happen to be in an airport, train-station, give an officer any lip, or otherwise look suspicious. That includes you, Grandma.

5. No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in states that don’t want to go to the bother;
Nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, unless it’s a tax matter;
Nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law, again, unless it’s a tax matter;
Nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

NB: By public use, we mean public use OR private use by one of our friends who can better utilise your property and perhaps generate more tax revenue for us to spend on ourselves. Don’t worry, we’ll give you “just compensation” – trust us, we’re the Government.

6. In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, (unless the judge wants to close the hearing, or the lawyers decide to delay things, you know what I mean) by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, (by which “impartial” shall mean that they can’t consider the justice of the law being prosecuted, and they will in all cases follow the advice and admonition of their Betters, of the Bar), etc. etc.

7. In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law. Right.

8. Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. Except in tax matters. Don’t mess with our money.

9.  The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. Except if Congress or the Courts decide otherwise; obviously the People are too silly to be allowed retained rights.

10.  The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people, unless somewhere else in the Constitution, the Courts or the Congress or the Executive can find a tiny clause that allows it to drive a Mack truck through the rights of the States respectively, or the people. See Commerce Clause.

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Not to be outdone by Mayor Bloomberg and his salt-fat-and-fizz police, the City of San Francisco has decided that they are going to micromanage what can be on offer at McDonalds: They have banned the Happy Meal.

The law, like an ordinance passed earlier this year in nearby Santa Clara County, would require that restaurant kids’ meals meet certain nutritional standards before they could be sold with toys.

With each passing election, and each passing idiotic law, I move closer and closer to scooting from this ungovernable, moronic state.

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It’s as simple as adopting the basic rules of Monopoly. No, really.

Read this important article, and make sure you pass it around to any of your friends who is lacking a clue about economics.

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This was the least offensive picture of "Jazella" I could find.

I would have thought a change of career was in order, either for the guy or his “wife”…

FLAGLER BEACH, Fla. (970 WFLA) -The former Fort Myers Beach town manager who was fired last year because he married a porn star is now a finalist for the city manager job in Flagler Beach.

Janke lost his Fort Myers Beach job in July 2009 when the town council unanimously voted to fire him. They had learned his wife, Anabela Mota Janke, was an adult film star, working under the name Jazella Moore.

What kind of a porn name is Jazella, anyhow?

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This one was also fun since it wasn’t addressed to me but to “undisclosed recipients”; a sloppy way of letting you know they are spamming entire continents with just one email.

From Miss Hasana Mohammad.

Country: Cote D’Ivoire.

City: Abidjan Ivoire Coast.

Hello dear,

Dear with profound respect and humble submission, and I beg to state the following few lines for your kind consideration, I hope you will spare some of your valuable minutes to read the following appeal with sympathetic mind. I must confess that it is with great hopes, joy and enthusiasm that I write you this mail which I know and believe by the faith that it must surely find you in good condition of health. My name is Miss Hasana Mohammad, I am the only Daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs Hasana Mohammad. My father was a highly reputable business magnet who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days.

It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on the 20th May 2008. Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of mine who travelled with him at that time. But Allah knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 6yrs old, and since then my father took me so special.

Before the death of my father on May 2008, he called me and informed me that he has the sum of Six Million, Five Hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$6,500,000.00) he deposited in a private Bank here in Abidjan Cote D’Ivoire. He told me that he deposited the money in my name, and also gave me all the necessary legal documents regarding to this deposit with the Bank.

I am just 21 years old and a university undergraduate and really don’t know what to do. Now I want an honest and Allah fearing partner overseas who I can transfer this money with his assistance and after the transaction I will come and reside permanently in your country till such a time that it will be convinient for me to return back home if I so desire. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. I also want to invest the fund under your care because I am ignorant of business world.

I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:

1. Can you honestly help me from your heart?

2. Can I completely trust you?

3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the fund has being transfeered to your account and i come over to meet you ?

Please, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible. Immedaitely I confirm your willingness, I will send to you my Picture and also inform you more details involved in this matter.

Anticipating hearing from you soon.

Thanks and may Allah bless you for your concern to help an orphan like me.

Kind Regards,

Miss Hasana Mohammad

What do you think, should I write back to her, and perhaps sign the email “Undisclosed recipient”?

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From UNHAPPY HIPSTERS:

After months of parking on the street, he finally agreed that designing the driveway around the stump was green living gone too far.

(Photo: Miguel Coelho; via Archinet)

Me, I’m pretty sure that’s photoshopped. But pretty danged funny.

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From our friends at The Daily Rash:

GULF OF MEXICO – After a fun filled day of snorkeling and water skiing in the Gulf of Mexico, the Dunlap family is exhausted. Herb and Stella Dunlap almost canceled their long awaited beach vacation last week. After news of the large oil spill in the Gulf, family and friends warned that it might be too dangerous to vacation there now.

Read more

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Check out this article: Pentagon preparing clampdown on RW extremists

Who woulda thunk it?

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There's a reason for the wink...

Ah, the fine line between anatomy and, well, anatomy. Church-goers are incensed by a rather questionable depiction of the Savior, although not everyone agrees.

Seeton said the portion of the crucifix in question is meant to be Jesus’ abdomen “showing distension” — not a penis.

Seeton said, “I’ve had people who have vocally said that that’s what they see there. I’ve had people who have been just as vocal who said that’s not what they’re seeing there.”

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“I think he’s an 8-year old child and he’s doing what 8-year old children do.”

Be that as it may, I still think there’s a definite question of exactly how an eight-year-old third-grader managed to get his hands on 78 bags of heroin.

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Espeland (the mother) was told that if Frankie didn’t leave the office, she would be arrested for criminal trespass, according to the police report. Espeland allegedly told police she wasn’t going to tell Frankie to leave, and “felt it was important for her daughter to be arrested for the cause.”

…I believe that’s what we would call child abuse, folks.

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What is the world coming to?

COPENHAGEN—Scores of Carlsberg A/S workers walked off their jobs Thursday to protest the Danish brewer’s new limits on beer drinking at work.

..truck drivers are exempt from the new rules and are permitted to drink three beers outside the canteen. But they still went on strike in sympathy with their colleagues.

OK, so perhaps this is one area of European culture that Obama will NOT import?

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Check it out!

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You might be an Obamaton if:

… you only use the #p2 hashtag

… you think a government that can’t run a post office can run health care

… you think anyone disagreeing with BHO just HAS to be a racist

… you think Joe Biden is smarter than Dan Quayle

… you think it’s OK for Congress to pass bills without reading them, hell, without holding hearings

… you think government workers are overworked and underpaid

… you think it’s just great that the IRS will be enforcing health insurance compliance

… you think the VAT won’t be a massive tax increase on the middle class

… you “feel” we’re moving in the right direction as a country, in spite of the evidence right before your nose

OK, I was trying to come up with funny ones, but these are all so terribly sad. Help a brother out, and suggest more, we’ll get ‘em all posted …

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The dingbat who stalked and harassed Nancy Pelosi (on behalf of a grateful nation, I might add) was apparently a normal, nice, decent guy until those rabid racist wingnuts at FoxNews sent him on his mission of mayhem against the Speaker.

“Greg frequently gets in with a group of people that have really radical ideas and that are not consistent with myself or the rest of the family, which gets him into problems,” Eleanor Giusti (his octagenarian mommy) said. “I say Fox News, or all of those that are really radical, and he, that’s where he comes from.”

Because, after all, reporting what’s ACTUALLY happening is starting to be enough to make people upset. Who knew?

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DeFUNIAK SPRINGS —A Walton County man discovered an illegal crop of marijuana growing in his backyard Tuesday night.

Sam Adams called Sheriff’s deputies when he found five marijuana plants growing in a heavily wooded area of his property on Kings Lake Boulevard.

According to a press release from the Walton County Sheriff’s Office, the plants were being “carefully cultivated and watered.”

Mr. Adam’s teenage sons were not available for comment.

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