If we really wanted to get people to ride-share, we’d put the emphasis on the fact that we’re doing nothing more than subsidising Islamofascism.

Let’s get some serious photoshoppers on this right away; change this poster to show Bin Laden instead of the wallpaperhanger and get it passed around.

HT to GoodShit.

Well, don’t fall prey to diet scams on the Internet.

As anyone knows who surfs the Web, there are a myriad of people claiming that they have the cure for obesity. And it’s fast, easy, and only costs a little of your hard-earned cash to have these secrets revealed to you!

According to WebMD.com, the top five diet scams include:

• Metabolism-boosting pills based on herbal ingredients
• Fat- and carb-blocking pills
• Herbal weight loss teas
• Diet patches, jewelry, or other products worn on the body
• Body wraps or “slim suits”

Some people really can’t get their minds around the concept that most obesity is caused by two major factors: Too many calories in, and too little exercise to burn it back off.

Try the TinyMinds.Net weight loss program!!!

Want to lose weight? Stop stuffing your gob, and get your ass off the couch.

Thank you, that will be $29.95.

I knew nothing good would come of automated red-light cameras at intersections. These collosal money-makers for local jurisdictions have been shown to not only not reduce the incidence of red-light running, but in fact encourage unsafe behavior at such intersections. Now, we find that teenagers may be using them to punk their enemies or teachers or the like:

As a prank, students from local high schools have been taking advantage of the county’s Speed Camera Program in order to exact revenge on people who they believe have wronged them in the past, including other students and even teachers.

Students are even obtaining vehicles from their friends that are similar or identical to the make and model of the car owned by the targeted victim, according to the parent.

Students from Richard Montgomery High School dubbed the prank the Speed Camera “Pimping” game, according to a parent of a student enrolled at one of the high schools.

Originating from Wootton High School, the parent said, students duplicate the license plates by printing plate numbers on glossy photo paper, using fonts from certain websites that “mimic” those on Maryland license plates. They tape the duplicate plate over the existing plate on the back of their car and purposefully speed through a speed camera, the parent said. The victim then receives a citation in the mail days later.

Hat tip to InstaMonkey

On behalf of Planet Earth, I would like to once again apologize to any actually intelligent creatures in the Universe. It seems that we have reached a new low; crawling into the space between Gov. Blogo’s belly and the ground, which is no mean feat, we have:

WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) — Humane officers said a Pennsylvania woman marketed “gothic kittens” with ear, neck and tail piercings over the Internet. Officers with the SPCA of Luzerne County removed three kittens and a cat from a home outside Wilkes-Barre.

Officer Carol Morrison said the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals raided the home on Wednesday after getting a tip that the woman was selling the pierced kittens on eBay.

“It’s unbelievable anybody would do this to kittens,” Morrison said.

Charges are likely against the homeowner, whose name was not released.

Morrison said the woman has a pet grooming business in the basement of the home.

However, I’m on the trail of what I believe is either a ponzi scheme or at best, a very VERY expensive “educational” program currently raging all over the internet. This “program” is called “Arbitrage Conspiracy” and it involves the payment of thousands of dollars for a two-week “course” that teaches you how to sign up for Google AdWords and ClickBank (or their equivelents), set up a “landing site” and start collection zillions of dollars in affiliate marketing fees.

Now, I’m all for making money on the Internet, but a few hours surfing, or a trip to Barnes and Noble and around $40 bucks worth of books, can teach you all of that.

The founder of “Arbitrage Conspiracy” claims that he makes $50-100k per day through his efforts — but doesn’t reveal what percentage of that is in fees collected from his erstwhile students.

Please — if you know anything about this program, please email me or leave a comment on this post. I want to get to the bottom of this, as I know personally at least one person who is in the process  of being burned by these folks.

Dictionary.com defines arbitrage as “the process of arbitration — decision by arbitration”. Commonly in business, it means buying something “the simultaneous purchase and sale of the same securities, commodities, or foreign exchange in different markets to profit from unequal prices.”

What the hell does that have to do with affiliate marketing? And why is it a conspiracy?

And in aggravated assault news, we have the following silly story:

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (AP) - Police said a Port St. Lucie man was arrested for throwing a sandwich at his girlfriend, the second food attack that sent a man to jail in about a month. According to a police report released Monday, the 20-year-old man threw the sandwich at his girlfriend’s face during an argument about auto insurance and then hit her head with his fist.The man admitted to throwing the food but not hitting her. He was arrested Friday and faces a battery charge.

Last month, another man was arrested on a battery charge for hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing a  traffic crash.

Police reports did not [report] what type of sandwich was used in either attack.

If you don’t read this and then say “Run OMG run!!! Oh MY GOD!!!!”, you’re an idiot.

Seriously.

Here goes the verbatim text as of this “disclaimer” — btw I frankly detect a certain Eastern European Mob lilt to the text but perhaps that’s just me (oh, and nota bene, the italics are mine lol):

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Wow.

Simply, wow.

Judges chose “gammelfleischparty”, or “spoiled meat party,” - an unflattering term for a gathering of people over 30 - as the “youth word of the year 2008.” The word “gammelfleisch” was in the news frequently during the year when it was discovered that meat packers had been regularly supplying some kebab restaurants with past-due products.

“Bildschirmbraeune” or “screen tan” - referring to the complexion of someone who spends too much time at a computer - came second, while “unterhopft,” meaning “underhopped,” or in need of a beer, took third.

I just knew you’d want to know.

ST. LOUIS (AP) - Santa aside, that trip down the chimney doesn’t work so well after all. Police arrested a burglar early Wednesday who spent a harrowing three hours stuck inside the chimney of a pawn shop.Authorities were called to the location at 3 a.m., and found the man wedged in the chimney, unable to move. After about three hours, rescuers were able to knock away bricks and free him.

He was taken to a hospital for evaluation. The man’s name has not been released.

This is a two-fer -- if you'd like a Simpsons avatar, visit here

According to this article, Second Life avatars use more energy than the typical Brazilian. So not only are you massively wasting your time on Second Life, you’re killing the planet.

Just die, already.

There are literally bjillions of gigabytes of absolute crap on the Internet — this site included. But just in case something wasn’t covered, American Chronicle decided that it had to make this contribution. Apparently, chronic nose-picking is now officially an addiction.

Thanks.

On behalf of the human race, I would like to apologize to the rest of the Universe for this particular bit of teh intarweb.

So there you are, running Customs and Immigration for the Massachusetts region. You oversee operations to protect the ports, airports, etc., from illegal trafficing, smuggling, and an influx of illegal immigration.

Hey, I have an idea — wouldn’t you be perfectly placed to find and hire people to work for you, real cheap? You could even give them sound advice on how to avoid being apprehended by … people like you!

Sounds like a plan to me…

Homeland Security Official Hires Illegal Immigrants

Fri, 12/05/2008 - 15:21 — Judicial Watch Blog

A high-ranking Homeland Security official, who oversees a large division responsible for preventing illegal immigrants from entering the U.S., has been arrested and charged with hiring them as domestic workers.

For years, the Massachusetts regional director of Customs and Border Protection (Lorraine Henderson) paid illegal immigrants cash to clean her house and she even coached them on how to avoid deportation.

“Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.”

“Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.”

“She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.”

“She is numb from her toes down.”

“While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.”

“The skin was moist and dry.”

Enjoy.

Sorry, but this is just one of the best headlines we’ve seen in a long time.

BERLIN (Reuters) - Germany’s churches criticized a businessman on Tuesday for selling thousands of Jesus chocolates.

Frank Oynhausen set up his “Sweet Lord” chocolate Jesus-making business saying he wanted to restore some traditional religious values to Christmas in Germany.

But the German Protestant Church criticized the idea as “tasteless” and the Roman Catholic Church was not amused.

VALENTINE, Neb. (AP) - Ten misdemeanor counts have been filed against a man Cherry County authorities believe is the vandal some townspeople have dubbed the “Butt Bandit.”

Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said that on Tuesday he filed nine counts of public indecency and one count of disturbing the peace against 35-year-old Tom Larvie, of Valentine. All are misdemeanors.

Larvie is suspected of leaving greasy, graphic imprints of his naked behind, and sometimes his groin, on the windows of stores, churches and schools in Valentine since the spring of 2007.

The marks were made with lotion or petroleum jelly.

Scott said Larvie was caught in the act by police early Wednesday morning.

This should serve as a reminder that our police officers do a dirty, nasty job, sometimes. I would NOT want to be the guy who had to pat him down.

A Japanese man was arrested for releasing hundreds of beetle larvae inside a moving express train to try to scare female passengers, police said Tuesday.

“I wanted to see women get scared and shake their legs,” police quoted 35-year-old Manabu Mizuta as saying.

I’m still trying to figure out why this was a problem. Little shit got what was coming, says I:

AMBRIDGE, Pa. (AP) - A school bus driver will be charged with endangering a 10-year-old boy for intentionally braking suddenly so the boy would fall down, police said.

The driver was upset because the boy would not remain in his seat, Harmony Township police Sgt. Jim Essek said.

The driver told the boy to stop moving around before allegedly threatening him by saying, “If you do it again, I’ll knock you down,” Essek said.

When the fourth-grader moved around again, the bus driver hit the brakes.

From time to time I look at the referrals we’re getting for our traffic. Just now, a bloke (I will presume) searched Yahoo for a term that brought him to Tiny Minds.

“tiny girl shower sex pics”.

First off, how in the hell did that lead him here, and second off, what kind of a sick son of a bitch would search for such things on the Internet?

Third, how did he think no one would notice, or take note of his IP address?

Please, buddy, just off yourself. Do us all a favor.

Apparently, this is no joke:

A popular comedian active in Burma’s democracy movement has been sentenced to 45 years in jail by a Burmese court.

Seems this funny guy had the nerve to be trying to send aid to victims of the recent cyclone that devastated large parts of the countryside in May.

An outspoken satirist of the military government, Zarganar had already been arrested and jailed four times before he was taken from his home again by the authorities in June.

Hopefully, Dennis Miller will take this to heart as our new regime takes power. Obama doesn’t seem to have the same sense of humor as W had — and who really knows what kind of “change” is coming?