Yup, I knew this was going to be from Florida:

(Reuters) – Burglars snorted the cremated remains of a man and two dogs in the mistaken belief that they had stolen illegal drugs, Florida sheriff’s deputies said on Wednesday.

According to the story, apparently once they realized that the stuff wasn’t heroin or cocaine, they thought about returning the ashes to the victim, but dumped it instead. Brilliant — yet another charge of illegally disposing human remains to go with the other charges.

Share on Facebook

From our Manila folder: Filipino karaoke singers risk death by singing Sinatra or John Denver tunes. You’d think “American Pie” would at least merit some waterboarding.

Share on Facebook

checkbook?

Though most of us haven’t had to use a “dog ate my homework” excuse since elementary school (and some of us not even then), this woman seemed to think her claim reasonable enough.

Share on Facebook

From: Barrister Roy Smith Chambers London/England,
Email: barrroysmith@gmail.com

Dear Friend,

This letter is not intended to cause any embarrassment in whatever form, rather it is intended to contact your esteemed self, following the knowledge of your high repute and trustworthiness. Firstly, I must solicit your confidentiality. I know that a proposal of this magnitude will make anyone apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that it is made in good faith and will be of mutual benefit.

I am Barrister Roy Smith from England, the personal attorney to Mr. Kenneth, herein after referred to as my client, a national of your country, who used to work with Shell Petroleum Development Company in England. My client and his entire family were involved in a fatal motor accident, which unfortunately claimed their lives, along the express road, sparing none of the occupants of the vehicle. I have since then made several enquiries to your Embassy, in a bid to locate any relation of my late client, and these efforts of mine have not been productive. I came across your name during my search which is why I have contacted you to assist me in securing the money and property left behind by my client before they are declared as unclaimed and unserviceable by the Natwest Bank London where the have been lodged for safekeeping by the British Government .

I am particularly interested in securing this contract fund balance with Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF), totaling Thirty Million United States Dollar (USD30M). This is because the said Bank has issued a notice to me, unequivocally instructing me to produce the Next of Kin to the said account within the next fourteen official working days, or have the account confiscated. Considering my lack of success in my bid to locate his relatives for over two years, I solicit your consent to enable me produce you as the Next of Kin to my deceased client, since you both bear the same last name. The funds will then be transferred to you as the beneficiary and shared according to a proposed sharing pattern /ratio of 60:40 i.e. 60% for me and 40% for you. I will provide all the necessary and legally obtained documents to back up any claim we make regarding this
process, and will just require your understanding and cooperation to enable us achieve success within a legitimate arrangement, eliminating any liability resulting

My direct contacts have been provided; use same accordingly for effective communication. You can as well forward to me your Tel/Fax number immediately for more clarification on my late client.

Thank you.

Best Regards,
Barrister Roy Smith.
Email: barrroysmith@gmail.com

Your English is stilted for a barrister. You should try that again.

Also, there’s no such thing as a British “Federal Ministry of Finance”; most “Federal Ministries of Finance” are in African countries. As are you, I suspect.

Next time, do a little better research into which agency handles escheat in Great Britain. And stop referring to yourself as “from England”; the proper term is “from Great Britain” or just “from London”.

BTW, soliciting fraud is illegal, even if you are doing it via the internet across international borders — as an “English barrister”, you know that, and would be subjecting yourself to revocation of your license, being thrown in prison, etc.

Hence the whole thing is poppycock — although it’s pretty entertaining.

Share on Facebook

Teen allegedly bites 11 students; father blames ‘Twilight’ movie | The Des Moines Register.

I blame idiot father.

Share on Facebook

I knew nothing good would come of automated red-light cameras at intersections. These collosal money-makers for local jurisdictions have been shown to not only not reduce the incidence of red-light running, but in fact encourage unsafe behavior at such intersections. Now, we find that teenagers may be using them to punk their enemies or teachers or the like:

As a prank, students from local high schools have been taking advantage of the county’s Speed Camera Program in order to exact revenge on people who they believe have wronged them in the past, including other students and even teachers.

Students are even obtaining vehicles from their friends that are similar or identical to the make and model of the car owned by the targeted victim, according to the parent.

Students from Richard Montgomery High School dubbed the prank the Speed Camera “Pimping” game, according to a parent of a student enrolled at one of the high schools.

Originating from Wootton High School, the parent said, students duplicate the license plates by printing plate numbers on glossy photo paper, using fonts from certain websites that “mimic” those on Maryland license plates. They tape the duplicate plate over the existing plate on the back of their car and purposefully speed through a speed camera, the parent said. The victim then receives a citation in the mail days later.

Hat tip to InstaMonkey

Share on Facebook

And in aggravated assault news, we have the following silly story:

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (AP) – Police said a Port St. Lucie man was arrested for throwing a sandwich at his girlfriend, the second food attack that sent a man to jail in about a month. According to a police report released Monday, the 20-year-old man threw the sandwich at his girlfriend’s face during an argument about auto insurance and then hit her head with his fist.The man admitted to throwing the food but not hitting her. He was arrested Friday and faces a battery charge.

Last month, another man was arrested on a battery charge for hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing a  traffic crash.

Police reports did not [report] what type of sandwich was used in either attack.

Share on Facebook