Just got this doozy in the Junk Email box — pretty classic, figured I would put it out there. Remember, kids, no one is going to give you a commission to “bring their money” into the US. No one. At least this letter doesn’t try to appeal to my Christian goodness or whatnot.

This one was also fun since it wasn’t addressed to me but to “undisclosed recipients”; a sloppy way of letting you know they are spamming entire continents with just one email.

From Miss Hasana Mohammad.

Country: Cote D’Ivoire.

City: Abidjan Ivoire Coast.

Hello dear,

Dear with profound respect and humble submission, and I beg to state the following few lines for your kind consideration, I hope you will spare some of your valuable minutes to read the following appeal with sympathetic mind. I must confess that it is with great hopes, joy and enthusiasm that I write you this mail which I know and believe by the faith that it must surely find you in good condition of health. My name is Miss Hasana Mohammad, I am the only Daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs Hasana Mohammad. My father was a highly reputable business magnet who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days.

It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on the 20th May 2008. Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of mine who travelled with him at that time. But Allah knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 6yrs old, and since then my father took me so special.

Before the death of my father on May 2008, he called me and informed me that he has the sum of Six Million, Five Hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$6,500,000.00) he deposited in a private Bank here in Abidjan Cote D’Ivoire. He told me that he deposited the money in my name, and also gave me all the necessary legal documents regarding to this deposit with the Bank.

I am just 21 years old and a university undergraduate and really don’t know what to do. Now I want an honest and Allah fearing partner overseas who I can transfer this money with his assistance and after the transaction I will come and reside permanently in your country till such a time that it will be convinient for me to return back home if I so desire. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. I also want to invest the fund under your care because I am ignorant of business world.

I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:

1. Can you honestly help me from your heart?

2. Can I completely trust you?

3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the fund has being transfeered to your account and i come over to meet you ?

Please, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible. Immedaitely I confirm your willingness, I will send to you my Picture and also inform you more details involved in this matter.

Anticipating hearing from you soon.

Thanks and may Allah bless you for your concern to help an orphan like me.

Kind Regards,

Miss Hasana Mohammad

What do you think, should I write back to her, and perhaps sign the email “Undisclosed recipient”?

Most Nigerian money scam emails contain nonsense names, fictional details, but this one actually has a little ring of reality to it:

Dear Sir/Madam

I am Dora Baciro Dabo a 24 years old daughter of the late Baciro Dabo, i write to plead with you to be my trustee and guardian for a handsome reward, as the bank has asked me to provide somebody who will stand as my trustee to enable them release my inheritance worth ($3,200,000.00) which was left for me by my father, late Baciro Dabo, the former Territorial Administration Minister and the presidential aspirant in Guinea-Bissau who was brutally killed on Friday 5Th June 2009, iam ready to give you %30 of the total sum if accepted, please get back to me for more information on this proposal.

Dora Baciro Dabo

Turns out there really was a Presidential candidate, killed on June 5th, 2009, by the name of Baciro Dabo. Nicely done, whoever you are; you may actually score some sucker with your stinking lies.

Here’s a new twist on the Nigerian bank scam email, this time tugging at one’s sympathy AND one’s desire to do something charitable:

Hello. My name is Mubaraq Ahmed, an Oil & Gas merchant in U.A.E. I’av been diagnosed with prostate and esophageal Cancer that was discovered very late due to my laxity in caring for my health. It has defiled all form of medicine and right now, I have only about a few days to live according to medical experts; I need your help in distributing my funds to charities as I have no family.if you can help me you will take 20% out of the funds and give 80% to the local charities of your choice. If you can help respond back to me on my private email: mubaraq11@freemail.lt Regards, Mubaraq Ahmed

Of course, what’s stopping him from just giving the money directly, himself, perhaps in his own country, is beyond me. Will wonders never cease?

This just in from sabinajohn8@gmail.com

Good Day,

My Name is Mrs. Sabina Johnson,I am a retired Auditor With Shell Development Oil Company Hong Kong. I write to inform you of my intention to invest in a Hotel or any other business in your country and to request you to assists me in carrying out the feasibility studies on location, type and estimation on how much it will cost to establish a three star hotel, either by outright purchase, or already existing but dilapidated one and renovate or setting up a new one entirely or real estate and industrial production.

If you sincerely ready to assist me for the investment,I will give you the power of attorney to manage the investment on my behalf, Pending on when we will get a good site for the investment. I have (US$15,000,000.00) that I deposited in a Finance company in China mainland for this project.I am willing to give you 20% of the funds while the remaining 80% will be for my investment in your country.I will like you to provide me with more information about yourself e.g

Mrs. Sabina Johnson

1.Full name……………………………………………….
2.Address…………………………………………………
3.Occupation…………………………………………….
4.Telephone number……………………………………

I am in hospital now for knee injury operation, as a result of my old age but I have been assured by my doctor that I will be fine soon. Please do let me know if you are capable of handling all these. I will be expecting your reply as soon as possible.

Thanks and best regards.

Yeah, a retired auditor. Thanks for making CPA’s look good, Sabina (or Bob, or Mtutse, whatever your name actually is)….but still, great English for a Shell auditor — I especially like the touch where you call yourself Mrs. Sabina Johnson — because, after all, that’s modern usage. I often end my emails with Mr. Henry Jennings, doesn’t everyone?

Ding dong.

I don’t think I’ll even bother to answer this one.

Hello,

Good day, My name is Mr. Song Li, I work with the Hang Seng Bank,I have a business proposal in the tune of $19.5m to be transferred to an Offshore account with your assistance if you are interested.

Send me the following:

Full names,
Private phone number,
Current residential address,

Finally after that I shall provide you with more details, my
Email address is songle99@yahoo.com.hk

Kind Regards,
Song Li Le.

From: Barrister Roy Smith Chambers London/England,
Email: barrroysmith@gmail.com

Dear Friend,

This letter is not intended to cause any embarrassment in whatever form, rather it is intended to contact your esteemed self, following the knowledge of your high repute and trustworthiness. Firstly, I must solicit your confidentiality. I know that a proposal of this magnitude will make anyone apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that it is made in good faith and will be of mutual benefit.

I am Barrister Roy Smith from England, the personal attorney to Mr. Kenneth, herein after referred to as my client, a national of your country, who used to work with Shell Petroleum Development Company in England. My client and his entire family were involved in a fatal motor accident, which unfortunately claimed their lives, along the express road, sparing none of the occupants of the vehicle. I have since then made several enquiries to your Embassy, in a bid to locate any relation of my late client, and these efforts of mine have not been productive. I came across your name during my search which is why I have contacted you to assist me in securing the money and property left behind by my client before they are declared as unclaimed and unserviceable by the Natwest Bank London where the have been lodged for safekeeping by the British Government .

I am particularly interested in securing this contract fund balance with Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF), totaling Thirty Million United States Dollar (USD30M). This is because the said Bank has issued a notice to me, unequivocally instructing me to produce the Next of Kin to the said account within the next fourteen official working days, or have the account confiscated. Considering my lack of success in my bid to locate his relatives for over two years, I solicit your consent to enable me produce you as the Next of Kin to my deceased client, since you both bear the same last name. The funds will then be transferred to you as the beneficiary and shared according to a proposed sharing pattern /ratio of 60:40 i.e. 60% for me and 40% for you. I will provide all the necessary and legally obtained documents to back up any claim we make regarding this
process, and will just require your understanding and cooperation to enable us achieve success within a legitimate arrangement, eliminating any liability resulting

My direct contacts have been provided; use same accordingly for effective communication. You can as well forward to me your Tel/Fax number immediately for more clarification on my late client.

Thank you.

Best Regards,
Barrister Roy Smith.
Email: barrroysmith@gmail.com

Your English is stilted for a barrister. You should try that again.

Also, there’s no such thing as a British “Federal Ministry of Finance”; most “Federal Ministries of Finance” are in African countries. As are you, I suspect.

Next time, do a little better research into which agency handles escheat in Great Britain. And stop referring to yourself as “from England”; the proper term is “from Great Britain” or just “from London”.

BTW, soliciting fraud is illegal, even if you are doing it via the internet across international borders — as an “English barrister”, you know that, and would be subjecting yourself to revocation of your license, being thrown in prison, etc.

Hence the whole thing is poppycock — although it’s pretty entertaining.

Yossi Mpesi wrote:
Hello,

My name is Yossi Mpesi, I am young boy of 16yrs old.  I lost my parents in different occassions and my only sister to the war in Congo where my father owned a diamond/gold mine. I am lucky that I was able to flee to this place here in Cote d’Ivoire by good grace my life. I am sure you are aware of the on going event in my congo due to the ethnic clash being experienced of this crisis situation. I am presently staying in a residence lodging apartment here in Cote d’Ivoire.

I would like to appeal to you confidentialy to assist me concerning my late father’s Fund which he deposited in a financial firm, he has the sum of nine million, two hundred and ten thousand Euro(Ђ9.210,000). I want to move out from here because of the my wicked stepmother who plotted with the rebels that killed my father and will stop at nothing to hunt my life except if i flee since my father own a diamond/gold mine.

So please i want to know you better. I am willing to offer you 921,000euro for your assistance after the successful transfer of this money for investment; I have plans to do investment in your country, like real estate, industrial production or any other lucrative investment you bring to my notice in your country.

If you are willing to help me please indicate in your next mail and let me know so that I can mail to you. Let me have your private telephone number & address so that i can communicate with you at any time for more details.

Thanks,

Yossi

Wow. Bummer. How can I help? — Henry

If he replies, I’ll keep you posted.

Wow, must be my lucky day to get two of these in a row. This one’s semi-original, but more of the same:

I  am Mr B Marshall, Senior Staff, with a Bank here in Madrid-
Spain. I got your contact while searching for a reliable someone
to contact for this transaction in regards to a business transfer
for a huge sum of money in a dormant account. I need your
assistance to transfer to overseas Nine Million, Five Hundred
and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars Only (US$9,550.000.00).

I am seeking your humble assistance to provide either an existing
bank account or set up a new Bank account to receive this fund,
even an empty account can serve this purpose, or you help to
seek an honest and, reliable businessman who can assist us. Though
I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one
apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that this
transaction is being handled by me and my colleagues, who are
also departmental heads in the same bank. 

During the course of our audit ing we discovered a floating
fund in a domiciliary account opened in the bank in 2000 and since
2004 nobody has operated on this account, after going through some
old files in the records we discovered that the owner of the
account who is a foreigner died in Madrid Bombing of 11th of March
2004, without any traceable next of kin hence the dormant nature
of the account and if nobody come to claim this funds it will be
re- channel to government coffers as unclaimed funds.

If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not take undue
advantage of th e trust I have bestowed in you,
I await your swift response via my personal
mail : (marshall22b@gmail.com)

Mr. B MARSHALL

Gonna start posting various Nigerian Money Scams that I receive via email. There are many variations, and I think one more exposure of them is just what the doctor ordered.

Don’t let your friends or family even consider communicating with these crooks, under any circumstances.

Here’s one I just received:

website: www.lotto.nl

Batch No.998/7890/543
Ref No.512/333/765
Ticket/Series No.SPL77734
Amount Won: $2,000,000.00 USD

www.lotto.nl

Attn: EMAIL BEARER,

Upon the conclusion of our recent e-lottery draws, your email address was
selected from an exclusive list of 150,000 email addresses
generated from an internet resource database.

You are therefore to receive a cash prize of $2,000,000.00. (Two Million
United States Dollars).

To file for the processing of your prize sum payment, you are advised to
contact our Certified and Accredited claims agent for category "A"
winners with the information below:
*************************************
Mr.ARNOLD HENDRIK
Email:nlpromo01@yahoo.com.hk
Tel:+31-643-862-769
Fax:+31-847-375-060
www.lotto.nl

*************************************
You are advice to provide him with the following information and a copy of
your international passport or driver's license via email
attachment or by fax for vetting process which is a standard practice just
to ensure that we are dealing with the right individual.

Names:
Telephone/Fax number:
Nationality:
Age:
Occupation:
Identification I D:

NOTE: Ensure to quote your Reference Numbers in all your communication with
your claims agent. All winnings must be claimed not later than 7
days, thereafter unclaimed funds would be included in the next stake.
Remember to quote your reference information in all correspondence.

Yours Sincerely,
Mrs. KATHY VERO
Lottory  Co-ordinator