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Yup, I knew this was going to be from Florida:

(Reuters) – Burglars snorted the cremated remains of a man and two dogs in the mistaken belief that they had stolen illegal drugs, Florida sheriff’s deputies said on Wednesday.

According to the story, apparently once they realized that the stuff wasn’t heroin or cocaine, they thought about returning the ashes to the victim, but dumped it instead. Brilliant — yet another charge of illegally disposing human remains to go with the other charges.

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Not to be outdone by Mayor Bloomberg and his salt-fat-and-fizz police, the City of San Francisco has decided that they are going to micromanage what can be on offer at McDonalds: They have banned the Happy Meal.

The law, like an ordinance passed earlier this year in nearby Santa Clara County, would require that restaurant kids’ meals meet certain nutritional standards before they could be sold with toys.

With each passing election, and each passing idiotic law, I move closer and closer to scooting from this ungovernable, moronic state.

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This was the least offensive picture of "Jazella" I could find.

I would have thought a change of career was in order, either for the guy or his “wife”…

FLAGLER BEACH, Fla. (970 WFLA) -The former Fort Myers Beach town manager who was fired last year because he married a porn star is now a finalist for the city manager job in Flagler Beach.

Janke lost his Fort Myers Beach job in July 2009 when the town council unanimously voted to fire him. They had learned his wife, Anabela Mota Janke, was an adult film star, working under the name Jazella Moore.

What kind of a porn name is Jazella, anyhow?

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Just got this doozy in the Junk Email box — pretty classic, figured I would put it out there. Remember, kids, no one is going to give you a commission to “bring their money” into the US. No one. At least this letter doesn’t try to appeal to my Christian goodness or whatnot.

This one was also fun since it wasn’t addressed to me but to “undisclosed recipients”; a sloppy way of letting you know they are spamming entire continents with just one email.

From Miss Hasana Mohammad.

Country: Cote D’Ivoire.

City: Abidjan Ivoire Coast.

Hello dear,

Dear with profound respect and humble submission, and I beg to state the following few lines for your kind consideration, I hope you will spare some of your valuable minutes to read the following appeal with sympathetic mind. I must confess that it is with great hopes, joy and enthusiasm that I write you this mail which I know and believe by the faith that it must surely find you in good condition of health. My name is Miss Hasana Mohammad, I am the only Daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs Hasana Mohammad. My father was a highly reputable business magnet who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days.

It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on the 20th May 2008. Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of mine who travelled with him at that time. But Allah knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 6yrs old, and since then my father took me so special.

Before the death of my father on May 2008, he called me and informed me that he has the sum of Six Million, Five Hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$6,500,000.00) he deposited in a private Bank here in Abidjan Cote D’Ivoire. He told me that he deposited the money in my name, and also gave me all the necessary legal documents regarding to this deposit with the Bank.

I am just 21 years old and a university undergraduate and really don’t know what to do. Now I want an honest and Allah fearing partner overseas who I can transfer this money with his assistance and after the transaction I will come and reside permanently in your country till such a time that it will be convinient for me to return back home if I so desire. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. I also want to invest the fund under your care because I am ignorant of business world.

I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:

1. Can you honestly help me from your heart?

2. Can I completely trust you?

3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the fund has being transfeered to your account and i come over to meet you ?

Please, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible. Immedaitely I confirm your willingness, I will send to you my Picture and also inform you more details involved in this matter.

Anticipating hearing from you soon.

Thanks and may Allah bless you for your concern to help an orphan like me.

Kind Regards,

Miss Hasana Mohammad

What do you think, should I write back to her, and perhaps sign the email “Undisclosed recipient”?

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From UNHAPPY HIPSTERS:

After months of parking on the street, he finally agreed that designing the driveway around the stump was green living gone too far.

(Photo: Miguel Coelho; via Archinet)

Me, I’m pretty sure that’s photoshopped. But pretty danged funny.

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There's a reason for the wink...

Ah, the fine line between anatomy and, well, anatomy. Church-goers are incensed by a rather questionable depiction of the Savior, although not everyone agrees.

Seeton said the portion of the crucifix in question is meant to be Jesus’ abdomen “showing distension” — not a penis.

Seeton said, “I’ve had people who have vocally said that that’s what they see there. I’ve had people who have been just as vocal who said that’s not what they’re seeing there.”

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“I think he’s an 8-year old child and he’s doing what 8-year old children do.”

Be that as it may, I still think there’s a definite question of exactly how an eight-year-old third-grader managed to get his hands on 78 bags of heroin.

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Twelve-year-old Frankie and her mother were arrested for trespassing in a U.S. senator’s office. At least in this case the mother was punished as well.

Espeland (the mother) was told that if Frankie didn’t leave the office, she would be arrested for criminal trespass, according to the police report. Espeland allegedly told police she wasn’t going to tell Frankie to leave, and “felt it was important for her daughter to be arrested for the cause.”

…I believe that’s what we would call child abuse, folks.

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What is the world coming to?

COPENHAGEN—Scores of Carlsberg A/S workers walked off their jobs Thursday to protest the Danish brewer’s new limits on beer drinking at work.

..truck drivers are exempt from the new rules and are permitted to drink three beers outside the canteen. But they still went on strike in sympathy with their colleagues.

OK, so perhaps this is one area of European culture that Obama will NOT import?

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You might be an Obamaton if:

… you only use the #p2 hashtag

… you think a government that can’t run a post office can run health care

… you think anyone disagreeing with BHO just HAS to be a racist

… you think Joe Biden is smarter than Dan Quayle

… you think it’s OK for Congress to pass bills without reading them, hell, without holding hearings

… you think government workers are overworked and underpaid

… you think it’s just great that the IRS will be enforcing health insurance compliance

… you think the VAT won’t be a massive tax increase on the middle class

… you “feel” we’re moving in the right direction as a country, in spite of the evidence right before your nose

OK, I was trying to come up with funny ones, but these are all so terribly sad. Help a brother out, and suggest more, we’ll get ‘em all posted …

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No conflict of interest there,  huh?

The dingbat who stalked and harassed Nancy Pelosi (on behalf of a grateful nation, I might add) was apparently a normal, nice, decent guy until those rabid racist wingnuts at FoxNews sent him on his mission of mayhem against the Speaker.

“Greg frequently gets in with a group of people that have really radical ideas and that are not consistent with myself or the rest of the family, which gets him into problems,” Eleanor Giusti (his octagenarian mommy) said. “I say Fox News, or all of those that are really radical, and he, that’s where he comes from.”

Because, after all, reporting what’s ACTUALLY happening is starting to be enough to make people upset. Who knew?

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Just call the cops.

DeFUNIAK SPRINGS —A Walton County man discovered an illegal crop of marijuana growing in his backyard Tuesday night.

Sam Adams called Sheriff’s deputies when he found five marijuana plants growing in a heavily wooded area of his property on Kings Lake Boulevard.

According to a press release from the Walton County Sheriff’s Office, the plants were being “carefully cultivated and watered.”

Mr. Adam’s teenage sons were not available for comment.

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WTH? Congressman Hank Johnson replaced Cynthia McKinney. Apparently, stupid is in the water in Georgia’s Fourth District.

Andy Malcolm, reporting in the LA Times, shared this wonderful video of a United States Congressman completely wasting the time of a Navy Admiral, while demonstrating just the kind of Congresscritter that helped pass the recent “Health Care Reform”:

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New Jersey woman is packing in 12,000 calories a day in a bid to become the fattest woman in the world. If I were her daughter I’d be careful not to spill any mustard on myself.

[ed: that's not the wide-angle shot, so to speak; see the original article for that kind of thing]

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We have double-digit unemployment, state deficits are at record levels, scandal and corruption plague our government, and we’re at war across the world.  I have an idea, let’s tell chefs they can’t put salt in restaurant food. Yeah, that’s what the people want our legislatures working on.

NEW YORK, March 11 (UPI) — A New York state assemblyman says restaurants throughout the state should not be allowed to use salt in the preparation of food.

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OK, this one is really strange — but I have a feeling alcohol was involved:

Here’s one for the bizarro file. A man purchased a scratch ticket onboard a Ryanair flight. Yes, Ryanair sells scratch tickets onboard—are you really that surprised? The passenger scratched the ticket and lo and behold, it was a winner! €10,000, or roughly $13,600!

At this point, the story is already strange enough. Who buys a scratch ticket, let alone a winning one, on an airplane? Heck, it’s pretty odd that an airline even sells scratch tickets. But what happened next truly baffles the mind: the man ate the ticket.

According to the BBC, the passenger, whose name has not been released, demanded that the winnings be paid immediately. This, of course, is completely absurd, as no airline would stash a spare €10,000 on its planes, and no crewmember is going to write a check.

Read more here…

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I have an idea. Let’s go do some graffiti in broad daylight. Even better, let’s do it to a building where a group of police officers are taking a class on how to conduct foot pursuits.

Over 100 sheriff’s deputies and police officers were attending a law enforcement training class when they saw a 22-year old man quickly etch the glass door that leads directly into a City of Commerce meeting room.  As Vasquez began to open the door to etch the inside, he looked shocked to see dozens of deputies and officers running directly towards him.  He turned and ran down the sidewalk as at least 40 deputies and officers crammed through the doorway at the City of Commerce Aquatic Center to go after him.

A bit dim, says I.

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Or this idiot will try to suspend you…

Patrick Timoney brought a tiny Lego man, holding a two inch firearm, to his public school in South Beach, Staten Island this week. It nearly got him suspended.

And we wonder why kids are having a hard time learning stuff in our schools.

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Instead, they are worrying about global warming:

The nation’s top scientists and spies are collaborating on an effort to use the federal government’s intelligence assets — including spy satellites and other classified sensors — to assess the hidden complexities of environmental change. They seek insights from natural phenomena like clouds and glaciers, deserts and tropical forests.

Re-tasking the satellites away from watching Russia, North Korea, and Iran, not to mention looking for Waldo-bin-Laden? Sounds like a plan to me.

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