checkbook?

Though most of us haven’t had to use a “dog ate my homework” excuse since elementary school (and some of us not even then), this woman seemed to think her claim reasonable enough.

Remind me never to take away my son’s Xbox 360 — at least unless the guns are locked up.

A teenage boy in Ohio has been convicted of murdering his mother because she took away his copy of the video game Halo 3, and now faces the possibility of life in prison.

Daniel Petric, 17, shot both his mother and father in October 2007 with a handgun after what was potentially “weeks” of planning, according to the Associated Press. His father survived, but his mother died of a wound to the head. Petric’s defense attorneys had argued that he was not guilty by reason of insanity, claiming that he was dangerously addicted to Halo 3. Petric was tried as an adult in the Lorain County Court of Common Pleas.

I don’t think I’ll even bother to answer this one.

Hello,

Good day, My name is Mr. Song Li, I work with the Hang Seng Bank,I have a business proposal in the tune of $19.5m to be transferred to an Offshore account with your assistance if you are interested.

Send me the following:

Full names,
Private phone number,
Current residential address,

Finally after that I shall provide you with more details, my
Email address is songle99@yahoo.com.hk

Kind Regards,
Song Li Le.

Man Locked Inside Bar After Falling Asleep – Portland News Story – WMTW Portland.

HOPKINSVILLE, Ky. — A patron at the I Don’t Care Bar & Grill evidently didn’t care about leaving until it was way past closing time and the door was locked.

The man, whose name was not released, told police in western Kentucky that he fell asleep inside the bar and when he got up to leave he set off the alarm. Hopkinsville, Ky., police officers arrived a few minutes before 3 a.m. Friday to find him still locked inside the establishment and unable to find a way out. So they helped him leave the bar. No one was arrested. Evidently it’s not a crime to be left behind after closing time at I Don’t Care.

Teen allegedly bites 11 students; father blames ‘Twilight’ movie | The Des Moines Register.

I blame idiot father.

The Earthpolice have once again created crime where there was once only normal life:

SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) — The quest for squeaky-clean dishes has turned some law-abiding people in Spokane into dishwater-detergent smugglers. They are bringing Cascade or Electrasol in from out of state because the eco-friendly varieties required under Washington state law don’t work as well. Spokane County became the launch pad last July for the nation’s strictest ban on dishwasher detergent made with phosphates, a measure aimed at reducing water pollution. The ban will be expanded statewide in July 2010, the same time similar laws take effect in several other states.

But it’s not easy to get sparkling dishes when you go green.

Many people were shocked to find that products like Seventh Generation, Ecover and Trader Joe’s left their dishes encrusted with food, smeared with grease and too gross to use without rewashing them by hand. The culprit was hard water, which is mineral-rich and resistant to soap.

As a result, there has been a quiet rush of Spokane-area shoppers heading east on Interstate 90 into Idaho in search of old-school suds.

That is all.

A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov $4,300 that he wouldn’t be able to follow through with the half-day sex marathon.

But minutes after winning the bet, the 28-year-old died of a heart attack, Moscow police said.

“We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do,” said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.

CNSNews.com – Cher: Republican Rule Almost ‘Killed Me’.

If only we’d held on a little longer… sigh

Official: Performance czar withdraws candidacy.

President Obama is having the darnedest time finding cabinet members who aren’t tax cheats. In this latest round of idiocy, Ms. Killefer, who used to be all over catching high-profile tax evaders at the Treasury, actually was stupid enough to have gotten to the point that the IRS filed a LIEN on her HOME.

Folks, the IRS doesn’t file a lien on your home until it’s the last possible thing they can do — and THEN she waited another 6 months or so to pay it off. Note that a lien is good for a 100 pt reduction in your FICO score.

Then we have Tom Daschle, who’s so stupid that he doesn’t know that compensation is taxed regardless of whether it’s cash or not, and Tim Geithner, a financial genius so important to the economic recovery that (even though he signed papers acknowledging that he needed to pay self-employment taxes on his IMF salary, he totally blew it off — and that’s not something that’s easy to do in TurboTax; you have to actually try) he’s still a keeper for Obama.

Course, with the apparent lack of compliance amongst Democrat officialdom, there’s no doubt that we’re going to need hefty tax increases, real soon.

Woowoo.

NYC cabbie mistakenly beaten by good Samaritans. This poor bastard was just trying to get his fare from some women who ran away from his cab — and was beaten bloody for his troubles by passersby who supposedly thought they were witnessing a purse-snatching.

Ack.

This site is full of tinyminds — except here, they self-report. I love it; although a lot of it is mundane, there are some really excellent self-confessed ding-dongs out there — and one can always find something frighteningly familiar in the reported adventures.

Check it out; once BlogRolling is back, this site will be on my ‘roll.

Funny everyday life quotes | jinxed.org.

along comes something stunning, original, and so downright stupid that it leaves you gasping for air.

Is your marriage suffering? Do you lack the kind of true intimacy that you used to have, but now no longer enjoy?

One solution is to do more things together with your significant other. And what thing would bring you closer than… well, poopoo?

Yes, it’s true — a brainiac of gigantic proportions has invented the “Toilet Built For Two.”

Hard as it is to believe, this $1,400 loo has an optional 7″ LCD TV and iPOD docking port.

Just what my wife wants for Valentine’s Day, I’m certain of it.

On behalf of Planet Earth, I would like to once again apologize to any actually intelligent creatures in the Universe. It seems that we have reached a new low; crawling into the space between Gov. Blogo’s belly and the ground, which is no mean feat, we have:

WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) — Humane officers said a Pennsylvania woman marketed “gothic kittens” with ear, neck and tail piercings over the Internet. Officers with the SPCA of Luzerne County removed three kittens and a cat from a home outside Wilkes-Barre.

Officer Carol Morrison said the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals raided the home on Wednesday after getting a tip that the woman was selling the pierced kittens on eBay.

“It’s unbelievable anybody would do this to kittens,” Morrison said.

Charges are likely against the homeowner, whose name was not released.

Morrison said the woman has a pet grooming business in the basement of the home.

And in aggravated assault news, we have the following silly story:

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (AP) – Police said a Port St. Lucie man was arrested for throwing a sandwich at his girlfriend, the second food attack that sent a man to jail in about a month. According to a police report released Monday, the 20-year-old man threw the sandwich at his girlfriend’s face during an argument about auto insurance and then hit her head with his fist.The man admitted to throwing the food but not hitting her. He was arrested Friday and faces a battery charge.

Last month, another man was arrested on a battery charge for hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing a  traffic crash.

Police reports did not [report] what type of sandwich was used in either attack.

… this little beauty…

If you don’t read this and then say “Run OMG run!!! Oh MY GOD!!!!”, you’re an idiot.

Seriously.

Here goes the verbatim text as of this “disclaimer” — btw I frankly detect a certain Eastern European Mob lilt to the text but perhaps that’s just me (oh, and nota bene, the italics are mine lol):

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Wow.

Simply, wow.

ST. LOUIS (AP) - Santa aside, that trip down the chimney doesn’t work so well after all. Police arrested a burglar early Wednesday who spent a harrowing three hours stuck inside the chimney of a pawn shop.Authorities were called to the location at 3 a.m., and found the man wedged in the chimney, unable to move. After about three hours, rescuers were able to knock away bricks and free him.

He was taken to a hospital for evaluation. The man’s name has not been released.

I know we here at Tiny Minds like to poke fun at folks who are, well, over-the-top fat. But the alleged unattractiveness of the morbidly obese cannot hold a candle to this:

Click for even more grotesque examples of how NOT to manage your weight...

Patients beware. Among the dumbest things noted that doctors wrote on patient’s charts:

“Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.”

“Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.”

“She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.”

“She is numb from her toes down.”

“While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.”

“The skin was moist and dry.”

Enjoy.

So to speak:

VALENTINE, Neb. (AP) – Ten misdemeanor counts have been filed against a man Cherry County authorities believe is the vandal some townspeople have dubbed the “Butt Bandit.”

Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said that on Tuesday he filed nine counts of public indecency and one count of disturbing the peace against 35-year-old Tom Larvie, of Valentine. All are misdemeanors.

Larvie is suspected of leaving greasy, graphic imprints of his naked behind, and sometimes his groin, on the windows of stores, churches and schools in Valentine since the spring of 2007.

The marks were made with lotion or petroleum jelly.

Scott said Larvie was caught in the act by police early Wednesday morning.

This should serve as a reminder that our police officers do a dirty, nasty job, sometimes. I would NOT want to be the guy who had to pat him down.

Boy, I wish I’d thought of this one. There’s nothing sexier than scared women shaking their legs.

A Japanese man was arrested for releasing hundreds of beetle larvae inside a moving express train to try to scare female passengers, police said Tuesday.

“I wanted to see women get scared and shake their legs,” police quoted 35-year-old Manabu Mizuta as saying.

I’m still trying to figure out why this was a problem. Little shit got what was coming, says I:

AMBRIDGE, Pa. (AP) – A school bus driver will be charged with endangering a 10-year-old boy for intentionally braking suddenly so the boy would fall down, police said.

The driver was upset because the boy would not remain in his seat, Harmony Township police Sgt. Jim Essek said.

The driver told the boy to stop moving around before allegedly threatening him by saying, “If you do it again, I’ll knock you down,” Essek said.

When the fourth-grader moved around again, the bus driver hit the brakes.

Apparently, this is no joke:

A popular comedian active in Burma’s democracy movement has been sentenced to 45 years in jail by a Burmese court.

Seems this funny guy had the nerve to be trying to send aid to victims of the recent cyclone that devastated large parts of the countryside in May.

An outspoken satirist of the military government, Zarganar had already been arrested and jailed four times before he was taken from his home again by the authorities in June.

Hopefully, Dennis Miller will take this to heart as our new regime takes power. Obama doesn’t seem to have the same sense of humor as W had — and who really knows what kind of “change” is coming?

Canada’s Supreme Court today ruled that differently-weighted people (ie. people with gigantic arses) have a “right” to two seats on an airplane for the price of one.

In a move right out of some sort of Kurt Vonnegut nightmare, these dipsticks have essentially said that, rather than have to deal with their gluttony, the rest of us must now subsidize their excessive burger-and-fries narcissism.

Coming soon to the 9th Circuit, no doubt of it whatsoever.

A 19-year-old man is accused of hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing their automobile to crash. The suspect admits to the sandwich assault, saying he chose that over hitting the woman. Proof positive you don’t have to go underground to take the Subway!

I’ve heard of people getting drunk and arrested for it. But this guy takes the cake; assaulting his arresting officers with a golden shower wasn’t the smartest move, I’m thinking.

I think it’s best to not find a picture to illustrate this story. You’re welcome.

Apparently frustrated in his search for an Amish female to molest, Ryan Bailey instead sexually assaulted a 29-year-old Amish man. The victim told investigators that Bailey said he had been looking for an Amish girl, but a man would have to do.

I was really just looking for a cheap excuse to post this ridiculous picture…enjoy.

How dare they actually believe in their religion? That pesky Bill of Rights needs to be canceled, right now!

Proponents of Gay Marriage have set upon a singular target for their post-election angst: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These folks have the temerity (along with what, 70% of black voters), to actually vote the way their conscience dictates.

I for one could give a hoot about who you want to “love”. That’s your personal, private business. But this all boils down to a word: Marriage. California allows “civil unions”; I’m all in favor of that. The Law itself allows anyone to enter into any kind of contract you might conjure up.

To a lot of people (including such nobodies as our Founding Fathers), marriage has a specific meaning — a basic, God-given covenent between one man and one woman to found a family that is the basic foundation of civilization.

Why would people want to take away the “specialness” of such an institution?  Can you imagine the lawsuits that would issue forth restricting religious liberty (there I go again with that pesky Bill of Rights).

Catholic Churches refusing to marry two women? Why, they ought to lose their tax-exemptions!!!1!

Mormons, who believe that homosexuality is (gasp!) a sin, if actually committed? They would be hauled up before the secular courts for denying “marriage” — even Temple marriage, which is restricted even for members. (BTW has anyone actually looked at the numbers of LDS in California? Guess what, it’s far larger than you might otherwise surmise — and it’s far more prosperous than you might also otherwise assume.)

Anyhow, I could go on and on. And perhaps I will.

What do you do if the police won’t hear your complaint or take you seriously? Apparently, the best thing to do is call them over 7,000 times.  Or maybe it isn’t.

Japanese police arrested a woman for making more than 7,000 emergency telephone calls because an officer did not take her initial complaint seriously, a police spokesman said Wednesday.The 38-year-old was arrested on Tuesday on charges of obstructing police work, a police spokesman in western Osaka said.

She made 7,177 calls during the day or night between September 14 and October 13 this year, sometimes shouting “drop dead” at police, he said.

The woman first called in 2005 to say she had been hit by a man, but the officer who answered her call “did not take the allegation seriously, because what she said was hard to understand,” he said.

“She apparently had a grudge against police officials,” he said.

I should say so. I also think the police showed remarkable, almost zen-master patience.

But not because Barack won — it’s because he’s suddenly no longer needed. While this election meant many things, it also meant that we’ve finally put to rest the idea that “AmeriKKKa” is a racist country.

Yeah, we have a bunch of red-neck race haters — and we still have their opposite numbers amongst people of color. But this election proves once and for all that Americans just don’t care about skin color. Of course, we also apparently don’t care about creeping socialism, income redistribution, billion dollar elections, ACORN, government control of health care, supporting our troops overseas or defending our country from its enemies.

But at least we’re not racists.

Due to the extreme danger of smoking, and the surplus of people willing to foster children,

LONDON (Reuters) – A council has become the first in London to rule that smokers will no longer be able to foster children.

Redbridge Council’s cabinet agreed Tuesday night to a ban on placing children with foster carers who smoke unless there are exceptional circumstances.

No doubt, soon we will also see a ban on parents who curse, people who are overweight, foster parents who drive too fast, volunteers who fart occasionally, and anyone who might possibly vote conservative.

Thank goodness all the tyranny ends in January:

Actor and liberal activist Tim Robbins had a battle before he could vote in Manhattan on Tuesday. His name was missing from the registration rolls, and an election supervisor and a police officer got involved before Robbins got a judge to issue a court order allowing him to vote when his registration was later verified.

“This is just one example of how difficult it is to vote in the United States,” he said.

Hey pal–shank this: you’re a self important twit.

Show this to your wife the next time she complains you didn’t do the vacuuming last weekend. This may put me off pizza for a long time, although I sadly suspect I may not have any appetite tomorrow night anyway.

A French man attempting to retrieve his cell phone from the toilet on a high-speed French TGV train had to be removed from the train by paramedics, bowl and all. Oddly enough, the train actually smelled worse after the commode was removed. Oh, snap!

A Dutchman claimed that it was entrapment when police left a bike unlocked and he subsequently attempted to ride off on it.

Happily, the Supreme Court ruled that, no, he wasn’t entrapped, and perhaps taking other’s property was still a bad thing, even in the Golden Age of Obama that is emerging for the world.

“Be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful”. — Warren Buffett

Joe Biden:

“It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We’re about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here if you don’t remember anything else I said. Watch, we’re gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.”

“I can give you at least four or five scenarios from where it might originate,” Biden said to Emerald City supporters, mentioning the Middle East and Russia as possibilities. “And he’s gonna need help. And the kind of help he’s gonna need is, he’s gonna need you – not financially to help him – we’re gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it’s not gonna be apparent initially, it’s not gonna be apparent that we’re right.”

I wonder how many thousands will die initially, and then, once he fails utterly to respond in a way that’s “right”, apparently or otherwise, how many more will perish?

(Of course, McCain is the erratic one, right?)

Well, the Sage has spoken. Perhaps Sage is the wrong term; perhaps we should start calling him “King of the Pumpers” but what the heck.

At least you’re buying stocks. Of course, you get special deals to buy yours en masse; you can increase a stock’s price just by buying it and letting everyone know you have, but what the hell.

At least someone’s buying again.

Attention all squirrels: Don’t steal nuts and just think you can get away with it.

BERLIN (Reuters) – Thieves who stole 660 pounds of hazelnuts in Germany have been urgently warned not to eat them.

Hamburg police spokesman Holger Vehren said the sacks containing the nuts were full of poisonous hydrogen phosphate gas, used to extend their shelf life. The nuts must first be treated to make them safe for consumption.

“We’re looking for the perpetrators because they could face a very serious health risk if they eat these hazelnuts,” he said. “The gas is even lethal if they inhale it.”

Sig94 has done it again; he’s taken an email he received and imbedded links to the information therein. Makes for fascinating reading on some of the past associations, activities, and life of our next President, Barack Obama. Well worth checking out.

You have GOT to be kidding me. Jimmy Carter is criticizing Bush on the economy?

BRUSSELS (Reuters) – Former President Jimmy Carter said on Friday the “atrocious economic policies” of the Bush administration had caused the worst global financial crisis since the Great Depression of the 1930s.

The SAME Jimmy Carter that gave us:

The SAME Jimmy Carter who gave us:

The same Jimmy Carter who gave us:

Oh. THAT Jimmy Carter.

Well, looks like my instincts were right for a change. When Russia invaded Georgia, I sold our shares in a mutual fund that invests in Russia — and none too soon:

MOSCOW (AP) – Trading on both Russian stock markets was halted on Wednesday after shares plunged within an hour of opening on fears the credit crisis will take a heavy toll on growth.MICEX, where most trading takes place, was shut until Friday after it dropped more than 14 percent to 637.9 points in the first half-hour of trading. The RTS index—which has lost more than 69 percent since its May peak—has been shut down until further notice. It fell 11.3 percent in the first half-hour, dropping to 761.6 points.

Both exchanges have suspended trading on several occasions in recent weeks in a bid to stem steep slides in share prices.

Investors have withdrawn billions of dollars from Russia’s oil-fueled economy since its war with Georgia in August. Sliding oil prices and concerns about the depth of the financial and economic woes in Europe and the U.S. have sent shares into freefall in recent weeks, contributing to the Russian markets’ worst-ever trading day on Monday.

Not that I’m happy about their crash — but if Putin thinks that he can invade his neighbors without fallout, he’s sadly received a really strong message. The coterie of oligarchs that help prop him up in power can’t be very happy with him at the moment. Shucks.

Well, apparently there are many kinds of “community organizers” out there:

LAS VEGAS (AP) – Nevada state authorities are raiding the Las Vegas headquarters of an organization that works to get low-income people to vote.A Nevada secretary of state’s office spokesman said Tuesday that investigators are looking for evidence of voter fraud at the office of the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, also called ACORN.

No one was at the ACORN office when state agents arrived with a search warrant and began carting records and documents away.

Secretary of State spokesman Bob Walsh says ACORN is accused of submitting multiple voter registrations with false and duplicate names.

The raid comes two months after state and federal authorities formed a task force to pursue election-fraud allegations in Nevada.

I’m betting they find something. What do you think the over/under is gonna be?

Fox News just announced that Waxman has capitulated to demands that he hold hearings into the real cause of all of this financial storm — Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and their Democrat backers and executives.

He won’t say when the hearings will be, however. Anyone think they will be before the elections next month? Me, either.

isn’t the swiftest way to conduct yourself. Especially if you’re not anonymous, and you’re bragging about taking advantage of hurricane relief that you don’t actually need.

As pointed out by Rhymes with Right, this bonehead is now suspended (with pay, of course) from her teaching job after bragging about how she was scoring big off the taxpayers in more ways than just being part of The State Education Monopoly.

In what Steinhauer described as a diary, titled “The Secret Life of an Uninteresting Teacher,” she writes about her love of MREs, her habit of hitting up more than one Place Of Distribution (POD) in trips between Baytown and her Deer Park home, and her enjoyment of life post-Hurricane Ike.

“This is great,” Steinhauer said in her blog. “I don’t have school and getting free food. I still will probably get paid at the end of the month also. Life is great after a hurricane when nothing really happened to your house.”

While adding up her free loot, Steinhauer counted five cases of water, two 20-pound bags of ice, four 10 pound bags of ice, four boxes of MREs (two of the “real military ones” and two boxes meant to last one person one day, and a box with a variety of 12 sack lunches of Chef Boyardee microwavable cups, granola bars, fruit cups and almond cookies.)

Happily, she’s probably in a good deal of hot water now.

Allegations that Steinhauer took advantage of the system and received MREs she may not have really needed while other s went without have prompted an investigation by the Goose Creek school district.

“She’s been placed on administrative lead with pay pending an investigation,” spokeswoman Kathy Clausen said.

My buddy at Signal 94 found this tid-bit in which even the amazing Alec Baldwin (wasn’t he gonna leave the country? Frankly, I’m glad he didn’t since he kills me on 30 Rock…) recognizes that the Democrats are just as much if not more to blame for our current CF in the markets.

Michelle Malkin once again is railing against government intervention in markets created and overseen by the government who are in crisis due to …. you guessed it, the government control of interest rates, financial regulation, the mortgage market, the tax system, international relations, trade treaties, and everything else that allows the free market to operate.

Naturally, of course, the “bail out” package didn’t result in an instant bull market rising 3000 pts today.

Of course, this is a sure sign that they shouldn’t be doing anything regarding the current crisis.

Is it just me, or are people who should know better just bloviating to hear themselves bloviate? Course, at least I’m willing to admit it. Those who are paid to scream from the rooftops will most likely decline to make such admissions.

and I realized that most people who don’t understand Sarah Palin (or her husband) just don’t get how life is in places like Alaska, Montana, the Dakotas, etc. Posted a reply to a post there:

The problem with all of this Palin-bashing is a fundamental misunderstanding of what it’s like to live in a state like Alaska, the Dakotas, Montana, and the like.

Thinly populated, and dependent either on pure self-preservation or Washington largesse, the populations are often polarized into two big camps: Rugged individualists who are self-reliant and resent authority, or State socialists who wouldn’t be able to stay if it weren’t for the support of the taxpayers both of the state and the US.

This means, in their little playgrounds, that often wide variations occur in their parochial politics that results in things like the Independence Party, or the Constitutionalists and the so-called Militia of Montana.

Applying left-coast or East Coast standards to such places just doesn’t work — and at the same time, doesn’t invalidate the fact that there are talented political minds in such places.

Try taking a trip to one of these places some time. You’ll find that the people, as a whole, are wonderful, down to earth, and want exactly what everyone else does — good education, reasonable taxation, liberty, and effective public services.

Yeah, they have different ways of getting there, but that’s what they all want, just the same, both Right and Left.

Until you do, please, STFU about things you just don’t understand. Kthx.

– Henry

That’s rich.

According to the AP’s Douglass Daniel,

WASHINGTON (AP) – By claiming that Democrat Barack Obama is “palling around with terrorists” and doesn’t see the U.S. like other Americans, vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin targeted key goals for a faltering campaign.

And though she may have score a political hit each time, her attack was unsubstantiated and carried a racially tinged subtext that John McCain himself may come to regret.

Since when is calling Obama’s links (which are extensive and proven) to an unrepentant domestic terrorist carry a racial tinge? Because Obama is black?

We all know that the standard for racism has become: Criticism of a black man is by default racism.

We might as well just call the election now. Anything short of an Obama landslide will prove that the United States is a totally racist company. Let’s save a lot of money, effort, and actual voting, and just crown him now — so he can get started on parting the seas, healing the earth, and bringing peace and prosperity to the solar system.

I give up.

Sort of. Details are still murky, but it looks like Paulson and the Fed now have the tools to unfudge the credit markets. We hope.

In the meantime, the stock market has declined rapidly. What does this mean for investors?

In my opinion, unless you think that the End of the World is nigh, you should sit tight. Although your stocks and mutual funds and ETFs may be lagging what you paid for them, the underlying companies should be just as healthy as they were the week before, by and large. The Hartford didn’t become worth 33% less in one day just because some idiot who runs the majority in the Senate flapped his gums out of turn. Or maybe it did — but you surely don’t have any more than say 1-2% of your portfolio in that stock, right?

If you DO think the world is coming to an end, it’s not going to do you a lot of good to sell and lock in your losses at THIS point, so don’t. If we’re doomed, it’s not going to matter whether you have less money than you did before; after all, we’re doomed, right?

The main problem now with the markets is that typical investors are panicking — in the face of hedge funds selling into any rally that comes along as they try to unwind their tortuous positions. Don’t help them. Breath deep, hang tight, and remember that this economy is so much more incredibly huge, interconnected, and creative by it’s nature than anything they could have imagined in 1929.

and with no Federal intervention (except what the Feds can do themselves without authorization from our absolutely do nothing Congress).

At least my Congresscritter, McKeon, voted correctly today. Hopefully there will be a revote tonight or something and they will get their shi’ite together.

It’s amazing to me that so many of our so-called representatives no so little about how our financial system works (or doesn’t work) that they would be still playing politics with the situation.

Meanwhile, Ron Paul is sitting there railing about how we need “sound money” — while a LOT of his personal wealth is tied up in the very companies that would gain from a return to some sort of idiotic gold standard.

Talk about a conflict of interest.

Careful you don’t get a ticket in Italy:

ROME (Reuters) – An Italian court has ruled the government must pay 100,000 euros ($157,700) in damages to a man who was told to retake a driving test because he was homosexual.

When 26 year-old Danilo Giuffrida told doctors he was gay at his medical examination for military service, they passed the information to the transport ministry, who told him he must repeat his driving test or have his license withdrawn due to his “sexual identity disturbance.”

Giuffrida agreed to re-take his test, passed it for a second time, but the ministry renewed his license for just one year rather than the usual 10 years because of his homosexuality.

Don’t go dying in Bordeaux, you WILL be punished.

BORDEAUX, France (Reuters) – The mayor of a village in southwest France has threatened residents with severe punishment if they die, because there is no room left in the overcrowded cemetery to bury them.

Don’t you just hate it when you find out that that multimillion dollar bank account doesn’t really belong to you, after all?

NEW YORK (AP) – A defense attorney in New York City says her client believed he was rightfully entitled to the $2 million he’s accused of stealing from a bank account managed by someone with the same name. Attorney Julie Fry says Benjamin Lovell “didn’t intend to steal from anyone.” She says he’ll explain in court what the bank told him that led him to believe the $5.8 million account was his.

The 48-year-old Brooklyn salesman has been arrested on grand larceny charges. A judge lowered his bail Friday from $1 million to $10,000 in cash.

Authorities say Lovell spent the misbegotten money on jewelry, cash gifts to friends and failed investments.

The account belonged to a trust, and a different Benjamin Lovell was a signatory on it.

Police in the western Czech border town of Cheb have launched an investigation into the theft of a four-tonne railway bridge. “We are not sure if it was taken for personal use or for its scrap value,” police spokeswoman Martina Hruskova told AFP. “It is the first time we have dealt with this type of theft.”

For this brilliant idea — I’m sure the American pleasure Nazis will be able to enhance and implement it in all aspects of our lives. Great.

Smokers could be forced to pay £10 for a permit to buy tobacco if a government health advisory body gets its way.

No one would be able to buy cigarettes without the permit, under the idea proposed by Health England.

I’m thinking of renaming my blog. Not after a religious figure, but after a teddy bear. Watcha think?

So my question is, was there a peephole in the shower or what?

ROCHESTER — A man clad in swim trunks was arrested after riding a bicycle through a motel’s hallways and hitting two men. A woman showering after using the swimming pool at Best Western Soldiers Field Tower and Suites told police she heard a door open and saw a naked man at about 3:10 p.m. Sunday.

The man ran out of the room, pulled on swim trunks, hopped on a bike and road through the hallways, police said.

Police Lt. John Edwards said the man, 38, hit another man, 76, and his son, both of whom suffered minor injuries.

The son chased the bicyclist, tackled him and waited for police to arrive, Edwards said.

Charges against the man were pending Monday, police said.

… now, they’re making hair-bands out of used condoms…

… but that’s coming to an end.

I’d like to thank the tens of people who’ve kept coming back to the site in hope that there will be updated content, only to have your fondest hopes and dreams dashed on the shoals of our inactivity.

But that should be all behind us now; watch for some format changes, an additional author or two, and some smartypants stuff in the near future. In the meantime, have a happy and safe Thanksgiving.

LOL.

A man in Sweden who was angry with his daughter’s husband has been charged with libel for telling the FBI that the son-in-law had links to al-Qaeda, Swedish media reported on Friday.The man, who admitted sending the email, said he did not think the US authorities would stupid enough to believe him.

The 40-year-old son-in-law and his wife were in the process of divorcing when the husband had to travel to the United States for business.

The wife didn’t want him to travel since she was sick and wanted him to help care for their children, regional daily Sydsvenska Dagbladet said without disclosing the couple’s names.

When the husband refused to stay home, his father-in-law wrote an email to the FBI saying the son-in-law had links to al-Qaeda in Sweden and that he was travelling to the US to meet his contacts.

He provided information on the flight number and date of arrival in the US.

The son-in-law was arrested upon landing in Florida. He was placed in handcuffs, interrogated and placed in a cell for 11 hours before being put on a flight back to Europe, the paper said.

The FBI contacted Swedish intelligence agency Saepo, which discovered that the email tipping off the FBI had been sent from the father-in-law’s computer.

The father-in-law has been charged with aggravated libel.

He has admitted sending the email, but said he didn’t think “the authorities were so stupid that they would believe anything. But apparently they are.”

He said he “couldn’t help the US authorities’ paranoid reaction”.

In a bid to increase understanding of the ramifications of doing drugs, (as well as extending the time tourists have to stay in town before having some shroomage), the mayor of Amsterdam is proposing a “waiting period” for buying magic mushrooms.

Let me get this straight — you can get drunk, visit a prostitute, fire up a bongload, shoot up at the park, and take your girlfriend in for an instant, free abortion. But God forbid you buy some magic mushrooms without a waiting period.

Right.

ASPEN, Colo. – Julius Caesar lay dead and Brutus was talking to his co-conspirators about swords and blood when he paused and excused himself, saying “I seem to have stabbed myself.”

Aspen actor/director Kent Hudson Reed accidently cut his leg open with the knife he was using in an outdoor performance of “Scenes from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar” on Wednesday.

He tried to carry on, “but my boot was filling up with blood and I was flubbing my lines, wondering if I was going to pass out, wondering if the audience could see the blood.”

Portia (Susan Mauntel) took Brutus to a hospital for stitches and play narrator Tyson Young announced the performance was canceled.

“That’s what you get for trying to kill Caesar,” he said.

Reed said actors normally don’t use real knives, but the scene was set up so none of the performers were close enough to hurt each other.

“But I hadn’t thought an actor might stab himself,” he said.

Reed said the show would go on, although Brutus might be limping for a while.

Don’t do meth. If you do meth, leave it at home when skateboarding. If you have to bring your meth with you when you skateboard, don’t skateboard in an illegal spot. If the cops come, don’t grab the meth when you run away. Sheesh. You would think he would know better by now, but then I guess that is not how Mr Marinovich operates.

Todd Marinovich pleads not guilty after another SoCal drug arrest

NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. (AP) — Todd Marinovich, the former Los Angeles Raiders quarterback whose career ended in a mire of drug abuse, is facing a possible prison term after a weekend arrest in Orange County.

Marinovich, 38, remained jailed Wednesday on no-bail warrants for probation violation pending a Sept. 6 pretrial hearing. Police said he was skateboarding in a prohibited area near the Newport Pier boardwalk shortly before 1:30 a.m. Sunday and ran away when officers tried to stop him. He was found hiding in a carport about six blocks away.

As long time readers know, I can hardly resist a penile injury story. Today, it’s just too hard to resist:

MOSCOW (Reuters) – A woman set fire to her ex-husband’s penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was “difficult to predict.”

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

“It was monstrously painful,” the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. “I was burning like a torch. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

No word on what accelerant was used, nor why the victim was unable to detect his ex-wife putting it on him and lighting the match. Unless, under the influence of the vodka, he was overly engrossed in TV-Moscow?

We may never know the whole truth.

LONDON (Reuters) – Britain is proposing to remove the term “prostitute” from the criminal statutes because it carries too much stigma.

Instead, a new bill that the Justice Ministry has drafted refers simply to persons who sell sex persistently — defined as twice or more in three months.

“We just wanted to remove the stigma of the label ‘common prostitute’,” said a spokeswoman for the Justice Ministry.

“It’s been around since 1824, so it was a bit outdated. It just wasn’t really helpful to label people.”

The new bill introduces measures to try to get sex workers out of the industry, and in effect decriminalizes prostitution for those who are not considered persistent.

Apparently, if you sell sex less than a couple of times in a couple of months, you’re now no longer a prostitute but merely a skank; any more than that and you’re still a ‘ho, they’re just not gonna call you that any more.
Boggles the mind, frankly.

Posted without comment.

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) – A crowd attacked and killed a passenger in a vehicle that had struck and injured a child, police said Wednesday.

Police believe 2,000 to 3,000 people were in the area for a Juneteenth celebration when the attack occurred Tuesday night. The man who was killed had been trying to stop the group from attacking the vehicle’s driver when the crowd turned on him, authorities said.

The Austin Police Department identified the victim as David Rivas Morales, 40. The child was taken to a hospital with non-life threatening injuries.

Police spokeswoman Toni Chovonetz said she had no further information, including how many people were involved.

The driver was able to get away is cooperating with investigators, police said.

Juneteenth marks the day Gen. Gordon Granger arrived in in 1865 to share news of the Emancipation Proclamation, which freed slaves two years earlier on Jan. 1, 1863.

BERLIN (Reuters) – A would-be German thief went from predator to victim when he tried to mug a taxi driver but ended up having his own wallet snatched instead.

After the 20-year-old stole the driver’s wallet, a scuffle broke out between the two, in which the cabbie not only recovered his property but also took his attacker’s wallet, police in the western town of Aldenhoven said Tuesday.

The driver then locked himself in his taxi and called the police, who were amazed to find the mugger waiting patiently for them on the curb next to the vehicle when they arrived.

Oops. This may not be a career limiting move in the NFL though.

Blogger says Steelers’ Zierlein inadvertently forwarded porn to NFL officials

The Steelers confirmed yesterday that one of their employees sent an “inappropriate e-mail” message from the club office to “unintended recipients” last week, violating club and NFL policy.

ProFootballTalk.com, an online blog written by Mike Florio, first reported that Steelers line coach Larry Zierlein inadvertently forwarded an e-mail he received from Doug Whaley, the Steelers’ pro personnel coordinator, to multiple high-level team employees and their secretaries throughout the NFL, including commissioner Roger Goodell.

At least we know why he is smiling in this picture.

This headline is not as funny now. I will admit that it does make more sense though.

British cyclist rides penny farthing into China on global trek

With 13,600 kilometres (8,400 miles) already covered on his 19th century “penny farthing” bicycle, a 39-year-old Briton has embarked on one of the toughest legs of his world trek — China.Fresh from the roads of New Zealand where he was nearly run over by a lorry, Joff Summerfield is hoping that drivers in the nation known as the “Kingdom of Bicycles” will be more friendly.

“The lorries in New Zealand have been the worst in any country so far, and one finally managed to get me, breaking my wrist,” Summerfield told AFP near China’s Great Wall this week on his second day out of Beijing.

The penny farthing is one of the world’s earliest bicycles, boasting a giant front wheel that has a 47-inch diameter and a tiny back wheel.

Sure seems like it to me…

TACOMA, Wash. (AP) – A Vancouver man was sentenced Friday to 13 months in prison for pretending to be mentally retarded in order to claim disability benefits.

Pete J. Costello, 28, pleaded guilty in February to conspiracy to defraud the government and to Social Security fraud. He began receiving disability benefits when he was 8. He was ordered to repay the $59,226 he has received since turning 18.

Costello, who cannot read or write, dictated a letter to his public defender that was submitted to the judge before sentencing and filed in court.

“I know that it was wrong to ‘act like a child’ in the Social Security office when that is not how I really am,” the letter said. “I feel very bad about this and want to do everything I can to pay this money back.”

Costello’s mother, Rosie Costello, 46, who also pleaded guilty, is to be sentenced Thursday for coaching her son and daughter to feign mental retardation. Authorities have not found the daughter.

Pete Costello continued to fake retardation into his mid-20s – picking at his face, slouching and appearing uncommunicative in meetings with Social Security officials.

The scheme came to light last year after he got a traffic ticket in Vancouver, then was videotaped acting normally when he contested the ticket in court.

If that’s not the act of a retarded person, I don’t know what is.

Some people should be exterminated. Period. This week’s winners:

WICHITA FALLS  –  A 37 year old woman was indicted Monday on charges that she sold her teenage daughter for $3000.  Tina Valdez is accused of selling the 15 year old girl to a man last August. At first, Valdez told authorities in Archer County that her daughter had run away. She even gave police a note that she said her 15 year old daughter had written about going to look for her father.

But investigators say Valdez admitted last month that she sold the girl to 35 year old Jason Carlile who took her to Mexico. Carlile was already facing charges of indecency with a child and possession of child pornography. He was also indicted Monday.

Valdez and Carlile are being held on $150,000 bond each. The girl is back in Texas and has been placed in foster care.

OK, this is getting beyond stupid. A teacher touched some papers, and just happened to have smoked half a joint over the weekend. Great reason to lose your job and go to jail and probably be blackballed from teaching forever.

If all the high school and junior high teachers that I knew smoked pot in the 70’s and 80’s on the weekends had been fired, my schools would have had a SEVERE teacher shortage.

This is just idiocy.

GALVESTON, Texas (AP) – A high school teacher faces marijuana possession charges after drug- sniffing dogs on a routine campus sweep led police to his classroom desk, authorities said.No drugs were found in the desk of Stakely McConnell, a Spanish teacher at Ball High School. Instead, the dogs smelled papers that had a marijuana odor transferred from McConnell’s hands, school police chief LeeRoy Amador said.

McConnell, 25, admitted to smoking marijuana over the weekend, Amador said.

Authorities said they later found a half cigarette of marijuana in his car, but that there is no evidence or suspicion that students were involved in the alleged drug use.

McConnell was placed on administrative leave after being arrested on campus Tuesday.

Possession of marijuana carries a maximum sentence of one year in prison and a $4,000 fine. Because the alleged discovery happened in a drug-free zone, the district attorney can increase the charge to a state jail felony, which carries a maximum two-year sentence and $10,000 fine.

Who does this guy think he is, David Hasselhoff?

BERLIN (Reuters) – A German man failed his driving test after attempting the examination while three times over the legal alcohol limit, police said Tuesday.

When the man arrived for the test Tuesday morning, both his driving instructor and the examiner detected the smell of alcohol on him, though the 27-year-old assured them he had not been drinking, police in the western town of Bendorf said.

“But his driving was rather bad, so the examiner directed him to toward the police station without him noticing,” the spokesman said. “Once there, he had to get out and take an alcohol test, which revealed he was well over the limit.”

The man will now have to wait “a long time” before he can take another driving test, the spokesman said.

Alcohol, rowdy college students and a 2600 pound giraffe. A truly bad combination.

Drunk students learn lesson from peeved giraffe

1.3-ton animal attacks three Lithuanians after they climb into his cage

VILNIUS, Lithuania – Climbing into a giraffe’s cage at the local zoo seemed a good idea after a few drinks. But the prank went wrong when the 1.3-ton animal flew into a rage and attacked the three student trespassers at a zoo in Lithuania on Monday night.

Ruta Greiciute, a 22-year-old student at Kaunas Technology University, was hospitalized with a broken collar bone and nose after the 9-year-old male giraffe, named Solut, attacked her.

“I don’t know what they were thinking. They couldn’t have been thinking much.”   I guess that pretty much sums it up.

Vandalized elevator fights back

Looks like an open and shut case after doors lock up, preventing escape

OSLO, Norway – Two young Norwegian vandals overlooked a small but crucial detail when they started smashing up a train station elevator: They were inside it.

And the elevator at the Lillestroem Train Station, north of Oslo, appeared to be the vengeful sort, sealing its doors and holding the two for the police.

This one would make Ms Crow happy.

Visitors told: Bring own toilet paper

WALKERSVILLE, Md. – Bring your own toilet paper if you’re visiting a park in Walkersville. Last week, vandals set some paper on fire in a men’s bathroom at the Walkersville Community Park.

On Monday, Town Manager Gloria Long Rollins announced that all paper products have been removed from bathrooms at the town’s four parks.

Who can blame the guy for wanting some good smokes before being strung up, but hair dye?

Cigars, hair dye for Saddam’s final days

BAGHDAD (Reuters) – The U.S. military bought Cuban cigars and hair dye for deposed Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein while he was held before his execution because they were “mission essential,” a military investigation heard Tuesday.

Looks like someone is still going to strike out with Ms. Hottie.

Sheryl Crow is NOT gonna like this:

HUTCHINSON, Kan. (AP) – Toilet paper is becoming a sought after commodity at the Hutchinson Correctional Facility after officials began limiting inmates to one roll at a time to trim costs.Officials say the prison has long had a limit, but they learned recently that it hadn’t been enforced. Increased enforcement began this month.

Under the prison policy, inmates are restricted to four rolls of toilet paper each month or on an “as-needed” basis.

Four rolls a month? Wow, that’s harsh. Course the enviros would make it more like 1 roll a year, one square at a time. These guys had better consider themselves lucky.

MADRID, Spain – Courthouse maintenance workers responding to a complaint about a clogged toilet found 30 pounds of hashish in a pipe leading from a restroom used by prisoners, officials said Monday.

The custodians found the drugs Friday at the Palace of Justice, a building that houses courtrooms and jail cells, in the Spanish enclave of Ceuta on the coast of Morocco.

The drugs were contained in dozens of small bags in a basement pipe leading from the jail cell area, the Interior Ministry office in Ceuta said.

Be on the lookout for an LA Times sports writer…

McMINNVILLE, Ore. (AP) – A man wearing nothing but women’s high heels was the cause of a building lockdown by police in downtown McMinnville. The unidentified man was spotted sitting on a bench on the basement floor of a nearly vacant medical building Wednesday afternoon.After a call to 911 dispatchers, two McMinnville police units responded and were assisted by deputies from the Yamhill County Sheriffs Office and the Oregon State Police. The building was locked down and surrounded, but alas, no naked man.

The man was described as 40 to 50 years old, bald or with short white hair, of thin to medium build.

He was last seen running down one of the building’s hallways in the heels, police said.

pee….

Oxenstern and I are hitting the links tomorrow with a friend — this is fair warning, I guess, and rather timely:

OAK RIDGE, Tenn. (AP) – A mother teed off by drunken golfers urinating near her house by the 18th hole resorted to videotaping the men after no action was taken on her complaints. Video of some men relieving themselves behind trees at the city-owned course was played on local and national television news.”Many times I would say, ‘You’re on camera,’ and they’d keep right on going. They’d yell and scream obscenities at me,” Delisa Schubert said.

Schubert, her husband and daughters ages 11 and 15 live next to the Tennessee Centennial Golf Course in Oak Ridge, 20 miles west of Knoxville. She said they family moved there so the girls could improve their golf game.

Schubert has reported the problem to police, city officials, the local district attorney and the golf course manager. They suggested she record the offenders, and in a year she says she has captured more than 40 golfers in the act.

Signs banning public urination are posted on the golf course, and the city is talking to the course operator about the issue, said Josh Collins, director of the city’s recreation and parks department. There are restrooms nearby at the 16th hole and the clubhouse.

Schubert says the underlying problem is too much beer and no restraint.

“When you have no inhibition, you’re just going to go anywhere,” she said.

Seems to me the underlaying problem is a lack of bladder control, but well, whatever.

Well, I can make a pteridactyl, a brooch, a hat…

LONDON (Reuters) – British firefighters said on Wednesday they had come to a boy’s rescue after he got a toilet seat stuck on his head.

The toddler, aged two-and-a-half, and his mother walked into a fire station in Braintree, Essex, Tuesday saying the boy had put his head through a small trainer seat for the toilet and now could not remove it.

“His mum had tried to get it over his head but couldn’t budge it so she walked him down here and asked us to have a look at it and we went to work and we managed to get it off in no time,” firefighter Chris Cox said.

“We simply put some dish washing liquid on his head and ears and it slid off nice as pie.”

Is it just me, or is Mum perhaps not feeding the kid enough?

“Will undergo a psychiatric assessment.”  D’ya think?

Man arrested for naked Hitler birthday event

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Reuters) – A Canadian man has been arrested after he was found walking around naked with a swastika taped to his body to mark Adolf Hitler’s birthday, police said on Friday.

Police in Nanaimo, British Columbia, on Canada’s Pacific coast, said they were called to the scene by concerned residents, and the man told them he was “honoring Hitler’s birthday.” He was detained and will undergo a psychiatric assessment.

… one ass at a time.

Singer Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using too much toilet paper should be introduced to help the environment.

Crow has suggested using “only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required”.

No word on how she’d propose to enforce this; perhaps Ass-Cams in public loos, or maybe  a new dispensing system for every toilet?

This guy is lucky they weren’t involved in another type of intimate act.

Love at first bite?

JERUSALEM (Reuters) – An Israeli woman accidentally bit off part of her boyfriend’s tongue during a heated French kiss, an Israeli hospital that reattached the tongue said Thursday.

How is this for a first day on the job?

Rookie plumber torches £5m mansion

A fire which ravaged a £5m Georgian mansion was likely caused by an unfortunate meeting between a plumbing apprentice bearing a blow torch and polystyrene roof installation, The Daily Mail reports.

More than 60 firemen fought the blaze at Kittery Court, in Kingswear, Devon – owned by “Forever Friends” greeting cards millionaire Andrew Brownsword. The house was undergoing a £2m conversion into a luxury hotel when disaster struck on Monday.

Especially if you’re a superrich Democrat politician. After all, he WAS on his way to meet with Imus and the nap – wait, nm.

RENTON, N.J. (AP) – The SUV carrying Gov. Jon S. Corzine was traveling about 91 mph moments before it crashed, Superintendent of State Police Col. Rick Fuentes said Tuesday.The governor was critically injured when the vehicle crashed into a guardrail on the Garden State Parkway just north of Atlantic City last week. He apparently was not wearing his seat belt as he rode in the front passenger’s seat.

The speed limit along that stretch of the parkway is 65 mph.

The state trooper-driven sport utility vehicle was in the left lane with its emergency lights flashing when a pickup tried to get out of its way. Instead, it set off a chain reaction that resulted in the crash.

Running from the cops not advised for those with artificial limbs.  And I sincerly apologize for the text in the link to the story.

Fleeing Burglary Suspect Captured After Prosthetic Leg Falls Off

POMONA, Calif. — A man with a prosthetic leg that fell off while he tried to flee from police was arrested Tuesday a short time after he allegedly burglarized a market in Pomona with an accomplice, who escaped, police said.

Gregory Daniels, 48, was booked for burglary following the crime, which occurred about 3:10 a.m. at the Pomona Ranch Market in the 2200 block of North Garey Avenue, said Pomona police Sgt. E. Vazquez.

This dentist makes gingivitis look like the better choice.

Dentist guilty of urinating in surgery sink

LONDON (Reuters) – A British dentist was found guilty Thursday of urinating in his surgery sink and using dental tools meant for patients to clean his fingernails and ears.

A medical tribunal said it was satisfied the evidence showed 51-year-old Alan Hutchinson, who “routinely” did not wear gloves or wash his hands, had risked the health of “himself, staff and patients” for more than 28 years.

Sheesh, the names parents pick these days.

Swedes battle to name daughter Metallica

A Swedish couple is battling the country’s National Tax Authority for the right to call their daughter “Metallica”, the BBC reports.

In Sweden, both first names and surnames have to be officially approved. On the banned list are “offensive, unsuitable or inappropriate” titles, as well as those which might “cause discomfort for the one using it”.

Michael and Karolina Tomaro have already baptised the six-month-old headbanger but, despite a ruling by Goteburg’s County Administrative Court that there was “no reason to block the name”, came unstuck when they “tried to register the name with tax authorities before applying for a passport”. Officials didn’t much like the Metallica tag, and sent the case to a higher court for consideration.

When vegetables are outlawed, only outlaws will have vegetables. Must be an English thing.

Clampdown on celery-throwers leads to bans

LONDON (Reuters) – Chelsea have banned three of their fans after they were caught throwing celery during the team’s FA Cup win at Tottenham Hotspur, the Premier League champions said Tuesday.
Two of them were arrested for throwing celery during the quarter-final replay on March 19, while a third was spotted throwing the vegetable and later identified to the club.

A fourth supporter was banned for a pitch incursion.

“All four people have been banned by the club and three will face court bans depending on the outcome of any criminal proceedings,” the club said on its Web site www.chelseafc.com.