Archive for the ‘Headline of the Week’ Category

That’s rich.

According to the AP’s Douglass Daniel,

WASHINGTON (AP) – By claiming that Democrat Barack Obama is “palling around with terrorists” and doesn’t see the U.S. like other Americans, vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin targeted key goals for a faltering campaign.

And though she may have score a political hit each time, her attack was unsubstantiated and carried a racially tinged subtext that John McCain himself may come to regret.

Since when is calling Obama’s links (which are extensive and proven) to an unrepentant domestic terrorist carry a racial tinge? Because Obama is black?

We all know that the standard for racism has become: Criticism of a black man is by default racism.

We might as well just call the election now. Anything short of an Obama landslide will prove that the United States is a totally racist company. Let’s save a lot of money, effort, and actual voting, and just crown him now — so he can get started on parting the seas, healing the earth, and bringing peace and prosperity to the solar system.

I give up.

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This headline is not as funny now. I will admit that it does make more sense though.

British cyclist rides penny farthing into China on global trek

With 13,600 kilometres (8,400 miles) already covered on his 19th century “penny farthing” bicycle, a 39-year-old Briton has embarked on one of the toughest legs of his world trek — China.Fresh from the roads of New Zealand where he was nearly run over by a lorry, Joff Summerfield is hoping that drivers in the nation known as the “Kingdom of Bicycles” will be more friendly.

“The lorries in New Zealand have been the worst in any country so far, and one finally managed to get me, breaking my wrist,” Summerfield told AFP near China’s Great Wall this week on his second day out of Beijing.

The penny farthing is one of the world’s earliest bicycles, boasting a giant front wheel that has a 47-inch diameter and a tiny back wheel.

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Cue the Randy Newman song…

Gnome, gnome on derange.

SYDNEY, Jan 25 (Reuters Life!) – It’s being called the “Gnomesville Massacre” and emergency workers in Western Australia are offering a reward for the capture of vandals who smashed their way through a local tourist attraction.

At least we know that poor fellow from Germany was not the culprit. By the way, I think that headline writer earned some really bad karma for that Gnome, gnome headline.

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The headline on this one is “Tossed Salad Leads To Littering Fine”. Perhaps I’ve been back in California too long.

EASTON, Pa. — A tossed salad is costing Dawn Higgins more than $173.

She tossed the leftovers from a McDonald’s salad out of her car window. She was ticketed for littering and ordered to pay the fine when she didn’t show up for her court date.Higgins appealed, arguing lettuce is biodegradable and not trash. But the Northampton County, Pa., Common Pleas Court wasn’t convinced. She was ordered to pay up.Higgins’ lawyer said it’s probably the most expensive McDonald’s salad ever.

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Let this be a lesson to us all: You may want to put on some pants, if you’re going to fight evil (or arachnids).

SYDNEY (Reuters) – A red-faced Australian nudist who tried to set fire to what he thought was a deadly funnel web spider’s nest ended up with badly burned buttocks, emergency officials said Monday.

The 56-year-old man was at a nudist colony near Bowral, about 60 miles southwest of Sydney, Sunday when he spotted what he believed to be a funnel web spider hole.

Ambulance workers, including a helicopter crew, were called to the scene after the man poured petrol down the hole and then lit a match in an attempt to kill the offending arachnid.

“The exploding gasoline fumes left the man with burns to 18 percent of his body, on the upper leg and buttocks,” the NRMA Careflight helicopter rescue service said in a statement.

It said the man’s lack of clothing probably contributed to the extent of his burns. (You think?)

“The fate of the bunkered spider was unknown, although other guests at the resort thought it was probably a harmless trapdoor spider and not a deadly funnel web,” the statement said.

NRMA Careflight said it was called to a property in the same area in January when another man kicked a spider that was crawling up the wall of a friend’s cabin. The man broke his leg in two places, it said.

By the way, I am counting this as a “Headline of the Week” entry as well; this one was “Spider-hunting nudist ends with ring of fire”

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