From UNHAPPY HIPSTERS:

After months of parking on the street, he finally agreed that designing the driveway around the stump was green living gone too far.

(Photo: Miguel Coelho; via Archinet)

Me, I’m pretty sure that’s photoshopped. But pretty danged funny.

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From our friends at The Daily Rash:

GULF OF MEXICO – After a fun filled day of snorkeling and water skiing in the Gulf of Mexico, the Dunlap family is exhausted. Herb and Stella Dunlap almost canceled their long awaited beach vacation last week. After news of the large oil spill in the Gulf, family and friends warned that it might be too dangerous to vacation there now.

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Just ask  Mother Janet. She and other folks are seeing bogey-men in our military.

Check out this article: Pentagon preparing clampdown on RW extremists

Who woulda thunk it?

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No conflict of interest there,  huh?

The dingbat who stalked and harassed Nancy Pelosi (on behalf of a grateful nation, I might add) was apparently a normal, nice, decent guy until those rabid racist wingnuts at FoxNews sent him on his mission of mayhem against the Speaker.

“Greg frequently gets in with a group of people that have really radical ideas and that are not consistent with myself or the rest of the family, which gets him into problems,” Eleanor Giusti (his octagenarian mommy) said. “I say Fox News, or all of those that are really radical, and he, that’s where he comes from.”

Because, after all, reporting what’s ACTUALLY happening is starting to be enough to make people upset. Who knew?

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Most Nigerian money scam emails contain nonsense names, fictional details, but this one actually has a little ring of reality to it:

Dear Sir/Madam

I am Dora Baciro Dabo a 24 years old daughter of the late Baciro Dabo, i write to plead with you to be my trustee and guardian for a handsome reward, as the bank has asked me to provide somebody who will stand as my trustee to enable them release my inheritance worth ($3,200,000.00) which was left for me by my father, late Baciro Dabo, the former Territorial Administration Minister and the presidential aspirant in Guinea-Bissau who was brutally killed on Friday 5Th June 2009, iam ready to give you %30 of the total sum if accepted, please get back to me for more information on this proposal.

Dora Baciro Dabo

Turns out there really was a Presidential candidate, killed on June 5th, 2009, by the name of Baciro Dabo. Nicely done, whoever you are; you may actually score some sucker with your stinking lies.

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You mean entertainers like Beck and Olbermann are controversial on purpose? Who would have guessed?

‘course I don’t recall Olbermann having a problem with that movie about Bush getting assassinated — oh well.

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checkbook?

Though most of us haven’t had to use a “dog ate my homework” excuse since elementary school (and some of us not even then), this woman seemed to think her claim reasonable enough.

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I don’t think I’ll even bother to answer this one.

Hello,

Good day, My name is Mr. Song Li, I work with the Hang Seng Bank,I have a business proposal in the tune of $19.5m to be transferred to an Offshore account with your assistance if you are interested.

Send me the following:

Full names,
Private phone number,
Current residential address,

Finally after that I shall provide you with more details, my
Email address is songle99@yahoo.com.hk

Kind Regards,
Song Li Le.

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From: Barrister Roy Smith Chambers London/England,
Email: barrroysmith@gmail.com

Dear Friend,

This letter is not intended to cause any embarrassment in whatever form, rather it is intended to contact your esteemed self, following the knowledge of your high repute and trustworthiness. Firstly, I must solicit your confidentiality. I know that a proposal of this magnitude will make anyone apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that it is made in good faith and will be of mutual benefit.

I am Barrister Roy Smith from England, the personal attorney to Mr. Kenneth, herein after referred to as my client, a national of your country, who used to work with Shell Petroleum Development Company in England. My client and his entire family were involved in a fatal motor accident, which unfortunately claimed their lives, along the express road, sparing none of the occupants of the vehicle. I have since then made several enquiries to your Embassy, in a bid to locate any relation of my late client, and these efforts of mine have not been productive. I came across your name during my search which is why I have contacted you to assist me in securing the money and property left behind by my client before they are declared as unclaimed and unserviceable by the Natwest Bank London where the have been lodged for safekeeping by the British Government .

I am particularly interested in securing this contract fund balance with Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF), totaling Thirty Million United States Dollar (USD30M). This is because the said Bank has issued a notice to me, unequivocally instructing me to produce the Next of Kin to the said account within the next fourteen official working days, or have the account confiscated. Considering my lack of success in my bid to locate his relatives for over two years, I solicit your consent to enable me produce you as the Next of Kin to my deceased client, since you both bear the same last name. The funds will then be transferred to you as the beneficiary and shared according to a proposed sharing pattern /ratio of 60:40 i.e. 60% for me and 40% for you. I will provide all the necessary and legally obtained documents to back up any claim we make regarding this
process, and will just require your understanding and cooperation to enable us achieve success within a legitimate arrangement, eliminating any liability resulting

My direct contacts have been provided; use same accordingly for effective communication. You can as well forward to me your Tel/Fax number immediately for more clarification on my late client.

Thank you.

Best Regards,
Barrister Roy Smith.
Email: barrroysmith@gmail.com

Your English is stilted for a barrister. You should try that again.

Also, there’s no such thing as a British “Federal Ministry of Finance”; most “Federal Ministries of Finance” are in African countries. As are you, I suspect.

Next time, do a little better research into which agency handles escheat in Great Britain. And stop referring to yourself as “from England”; the proper term is “from Great Britain” or just “from London”.

BTW, soliciting fraud is illegal, even if you are doing it via the internet across international borders — as an “English barrister”, you know that, and would be subjecting yourself to revocation of your license, being thrown in prison, etc.

Hence the whole thing is poppycock — although it’s pretty entertaining.

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I distinctly heard Obama say “Now, I don’t like big government” in his speech last night — but it’s not showing up in the transcripts.

Talk about chutzpah.

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Sacramento, CA (FLP) — California Lottery officials, working closely with legislative budget staff, have agreed to indefinitely suspend Lottery payouts to winners.

“The State is running out of money, and it’s only fair that Lottery winners do their part to help shore up our finances”, said Bruce Warner, assistant Lottery Commissioner. “What we’re going to do is continue to run all of the California state lotteries, but we will delay payout of the prizes for a minimum of three years. ”

“This will extend to scratchers, as well. Obviously, a scratcher winning $2 not paying off for three years is not going to be an undue hardship to the winner”, he continued.

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’nuff said.

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Which is quite normal, coming from the alleged humor-banks here at Tiny Minds.

However, I’m on the trail of what I believe is either a ponzi scheme or at best, a very VERY expensive “educational” program currently raging all over the internet. This “program” is called “Arbitrage Conspiracy” and it involves the payment of thousands of dollars for a two-week “course” that teaches you how to sign up for Google AdWords and ClickBank (or their equivelents), set up a “landing site” and start collection zillions of dollars in affiliate marketing fees.

Now, I’m all for making money on the Internet, but a few hours surfing, or a trip to Barnes and Noble and around $40 bucks worth of books, can teach you all of that.

The founder of “Arbitrage Conspiracy” claims that he makes $50-100k per day through his efforts — but doesn’t reveal what percentage of that is in fees collected from his erstwhile students.

Please — if you know anything about this program, please email me or leave a comment on this post. I want to get to the bottom of this, as I know personally at least one person who is in the process  of being burned by these folks.

Dictionary.com defines arbitrage as “the process of arbitration — decision by arbitration”. Commonly in business, it means buying something “the simultaneous purchase and sale of the same securities, commodities, or foreign exchange in different markets to profit from unequal prices.”

What the hell does that have to do with affiliate marketing? And why is it a conspiracy?

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Woooo wouldn’t that be juicy? JammieWearingFool found this one:

Barack Obama is the target of a shadowy smear campaign designed to derail his bid for the US Presidency by falsely claiming he had a close friendship with an attractive African-American female employee.

The whispers focus on a young woman who in 2004 was hired to work on his team for his bid to become a senator.

The woman was purportedly sidelined from her duties after Senator Obama’s wife, Michelle, became convinced that he had developed a personal friendship with her.

Of course, we know that any such accusation would be racist, a lie, deliberately designed to instantly elect McCain, or divert attention from Sarah Palin’s SAT scores.

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The MSM keeps claiming that Barack Obama has only a passing acquaintance with radical left activists.

For a breakdown of who he really knows, works(worked) with and has taken his lead from, David Horowitz’s people have put together Barack World at their website Discover The Networks.

Great stuff, and hats off to Horowitz and the others over there who are doing the media’s job for them.

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This reporter recently received the following email:

Dear Henry:

I don’t know what to do with this information, but I think it’s very important that the people of America know the truth: I am Barack Obama’s secret love child. My mother had a “fling” with Barack in the early ’80′s, and came away pregnant. Unfortunately, my father refuses to acknowledge my existence as his child, even though I’m working for his campaign in New York. Dad even refused to take a paternity test, so there’s really nothing I can do.

What should I do? Do you think the New York Times would print my story, even though I have no proof of my allegation?

Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Barack “Baba” O’Reilly

Dear Baba,

I really don’t know what to tell you. There’s a good chance that the New York Times will print the story, you should at least give it a try.

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Washington, DC (FP) — Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) announced today that her recent violent outburst at a Capital Hill Police officer “was the direct result of some prescription medication I was taking at the orders of my doctor.” Apparently, she had taken Ambien, a sleep medication, and an antihistimine. The combination of these medications reportedly cause random behavior, and there has been a recent rash of reports of these incidents.

Sent to RUA

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Fresh on the heels of recovery from his successful sex-change operation, Bob Sheehan (formerly Cindy) has returned to Texas to restart his protests near the President’s ranch in Crawford. “I’ve got a fresh look, a new perspective, and, well, let’s face it, my legs look a lot better in shorts now, by default.”

Sources close to the protester said that he had resented being called “the Peace Mom”, and no longer wanted to be “living a lie”. Well, at least THAT lie.

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Potfry: 14 Year Old Who Had Sex With Teacher Seeks Medical Attention for “Excessive High-Fives”

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Are not posted at this site. Sorry. Would be pretty cool though, wouldn’t it? BTW what the hell was up with her lip in that interview last night on Ellen? Not that I watch Ellen… but dang, that girls got one hell of a cold sore.

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