Don’t go dying in Bordeaux, you WILL be punished.

BORDEAUX, France (Reuters) – The mayor of a village in southwest France has threatened residents with severe punishment if they die, because there is no room left in the overcrowded cemetery to bury them.

Don’t do meth. If you do meth, leave it at home when skateboarding. If you have to bring your meth with you when you skateboard, don’t skateboard in an illegal spot. If the cops come, don’t grab the meth when you run away. Sheesh. You would think he would know better by now, but then I guess that is not how Mr Marinovich operates.

Todd Marinovich pleads not guilty after another SoCal drug arrest

NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. (AP) — Todd Marinovich, the former Los Angeles Raiders quarterback whose career ended in a mire of drug abuse, is facing a possible prison term after a weekend arrest in Orange County.

Marinovich, 38, remained jailed Wednesday on no-bail warrants for probation violation pending a Sept. 6 pretrial hearing. Police said he was skateboarding in a prohibited area near the Newport Pier boardwalk shortly before 1:30 a.m. Sunday and ran away when officers tried to stop him. He was found hiding in a carport about six blocks away.

Oops. This may not be a career limiting move in the NFL though.

Blogger says Steelers’ Zierlein inadvertently forwarded porn to NFL officials

The Steelers confirmed yesterday that one of their employees sent an “inappropriate e-mail” message from the club office to “unintended recipients” last week, violating club and NFL policy.

ProFootballTalk.com, an online blog written by Mike Florio, first reported that Steelers line coach Larry Zierlein inadvertently forwarded an e-mail he received from Doug Whaley, the Steelers’ pro personnel coordinator, to multiple high-level team employees and their secretaries throughout the NFL, including commissioner Roger Goodell.

At least we know why he is smiling in this picture.

This headline is not as funny now. I will admit that it does make more sense though.

British cyclist rides penny farthing into China on global trek

With 13,600 kilometres (8,400 miles) already covered on his 19th century “penny farthing” bicycle, a 39-year-old Briton has embarked on one of the toughest legs of his world trek — China.Fresh from the roads of New Zealand where he was nearly run over by a lorry, Joff Summerfield is hoping that drivers in the nation known as the “Kingdom of Bicycles” will be more friendly.

“The lorries in New Zealand have been the worst in any country so far, and one finally managed to get me, breaking my wrist,” Summerfield told AFP near China’s Great Wall this week on his second day out of Beijing.

The penny farthing is one of the world’s earliest bicycles, boasting a giant front wheel that has a 47-inch diameter and a tiny back wheel.

Alcohol, rowdy college students and a 2600 pound giraffe. A truly bad combination.

Drunk students learn lesson from peeved giraffe

1.3-ton animal attacks three Lithuanians after they climb into his cage

VILNIUS, Lithuania – Climbing into a giraffe’s cage at the local zoo seemed a good idea after a few drinks. But the prank went wrong when the 1.3-ton animal flew into a rage and attacked the three student trespassers at a zoo in Lithuania on Monday night.

Ruta Greiciute, a 22-year-old student at Kaunas Technology University, was hospitalized with a broken collar bone and nose after the 9-year-old male giraffe, named Solut, attacked her.

“I don’t know what they were thinking. They couldn’t have been thinking much.”   I guess that pretty much sums it up.

Vandalized elevator fights back

Looks like an open and shut case after doors lock up, preventing escape

OSLO, Norway – Two young Norwegian vandals overlooked a small but crucial detail when they started smashing up a train station elevator: They were inside it.

And the elevator at the Lillestroem Train Station, north of Oslo, appeared to be the vengeful sort, sealing its doors and holding the two for the police.

This one would make Ms Crow happy.

Visitors told: Bring own toilet paper

WALKERSVILLE, Md. – Bring your own toilet paper if you’re visiting a park in Walkersville. Last week, vandals set some paper on fire in a men’s bathroom at the Walkersville Community Park.

On Monday, Town Manager Gloria Long Rollins announced that all paper products have been removed from bathrooms at the town’s four parks.

Who can blame the guy for wanting some good smokes before being strung up, but hair dye?

Cigars, hair dye for Saddam’s final days

BAGHDAD (Reuters) – The U.S. military bought Cuban cigars and hair dye for deposed Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein while he was held before his execution because they were “mission essential,” a military investigation heard Tuesday.

Looks like someone is still going to strike out with Ms. Hottie.

“Will undergo a psychiatric assessment.”  D’ya think?

Man arrested for naked Hitler birthday event

VANCOUVER, British Columbia (Reuters) – A Canadian man has been arrested after he was found walking around naked with a swastika taped to his body to mark Adolf Hitler’s birthday, police said on Friday.

Police in Nanaimo, British Columbia, on Canada’s Pacific coast, said they were called to the scene by concerned residents, and the man told them he was “honoring Hitler’s birthday.” He was detained and will undergo a psychiatric assessment.

This guy is lucky they weren’t involved in another type of intimate act.

Love at first bite?

JERUSALEM (Reuters) – An Israeli woman accidentally bit off part of her boyfriend’s tongue during a heated French kiss, an Israeli hospital that reattached the tongue said Thursday.

How is this for a first day on the job?

Rookie plumber torches £5m mansion

A fire which ravaged a £5m Georgian mansion was likely caused by an unfortunate meeting between a plumbing apprentice bearing a blow torch and polystyrene roof installation, The Daily Mail reports.

More than 60 firemen fought the blaze at Kittery Court, in Kingswear, Devon – owned by “Forever Friends” greeting cards millionaire Andrew Brownsword. The house was undergoing a £2m conversion into a luxury hotel when disaster struck on Monday.

Running from the cops not advised for those with artificial limbs.  And I sincerly apologize for the text in the link to the story.

Fleeing Burglary Suspect Captured After Prosthetic Leg Falls Off

POMONA, Calif. — A man with a prosthetic leg that fell off while he tried to flee from police was arrested Tuesday a short time after he allegedly burglarized a market in Pomona with an accomplice, who escaped, police said.

Gregory Daniels, 48, was booked for burglary following the crime, which occurred about 3:10 a.m. at the Pomona Ranch Market in the 2200 block of North Garey Avenue, said Pomona police Sgt. E. Vazquez.

This dentist makes gingivitis look like the better choice.

Dentist guilty of urinating in surgery sink

LONDON (Reuters) – A British dentist was found guilty Thursday of urinating in his surgery sink and using dental tools meant for patients to clean his fingernails and ears.

A medical tribunal said it was satisfied the evidence showed 51-year-old Alan Hutchinson, who “routinely” did not wear gloves or wash his hands, had risked the health of “himself, staff and patients” for more than 28 years.

Sheesh, the names parents pick these days.

Swedes battle to name daughter Metallica

A Swedish couple is battling the country’s National Tax Authority for the right to call their daughter “Metallica”, the BBC reports.

In Sweden, both first names and surnames have to be officially approved. On the banned list are “offensive, unsuitable or inappropriate” titles, as well as those which might “cause discomfort for the one using it”.

Michael and Karolina Tomaro have already baptised the six-month-old headbanger but, despite a ruling by Goteburg’s County Administrative Court that there was “no reason to block the name”, came unstuck when they “tried to register the name with tax authorities before applying for a passport”. Officials didn’t much like the Metallica tag, and sent the case to a higher court for consideration.

When vegetables are outlawed, only outlaws will have vegetables. Must be an English thing.

Clampdown on celery-throwers leads to bans

LONDON (Reuters) – Chelsea have banned three of their fans after they were caught throwing celery during the team’s FA Cup win at Tottenham Hotspur, the Premier League champions said Tuesday.
Two of them were arrested for throwing celery during the quarter-final replay on March 19, while a third was spotted throwing the vegetable and later identified to the club.

A fourth supporter was banned for a pitch incursion.

“All four people have been banned by the club and three will face court bans depending on the outcome of any criminal proceedings,” the club said on its Web site www.chelseafc.com.

Rather clever response to an urgent problem I thought. They were Really Big Beers after all.

Airline Passenger Urinates In Air-Sickness Bag

Flight Crew Wouldn’t Let Passengers Use Restroom

SALT LAKE CITY — SkyWest Airlines apologized to a passenger who said he wasn’t allowed to use the restroom during a one-hour flight and ended up urinating in an air-sickness bag.

James Whipple said he had two “really big beers” at the Boise, Idaho airport. While on a flight to Salt Lake City on March 7, he drank a soft drink. He then wanted to use the cabin restroom. The captain had declared it off-limits during the short flight because a light wasn’t working.

Now there’s a senior discount.

Finally, something good about being old..

BERLIN (Reuters) – A brothel in Germany hopes to capitalize on the growing number of retirees by offering them a 50 percent discount for sex in the afternoon.

The “Pascha” in the western city of Cologne has introduced reduced rates for sex sessions for clients aged 66 and above — provided they can prove they are old enough.

Upset because his $2.16 dinner wasn’t very good? Maybe he is the Prince of Wales in disguise.

Police: Cheeseburger Not Paradise For N.H. Customer

HUDSON, N.H. — An order of double cheeseburgers turned into an unhappy meal over the weekend at a Hudson McDonald’s restaurant.

Hudson police said Thomas Lee Reagan, 45, complained about the quality of the two double cheeseburgers he ordered at about 8 p.m. Saturday at the McDonald’s on Derry Road.”Apparently Mr. Reagan was served a hamburger that was not up to his standards. After he complained to the manager regarding the quality of the food, (the restaurant) refunded his money and, apparently, he wasn’t happy with that,” said Sgt. Donna Briggs of the Hudson Police Department.

According to court records, Reagan complained about his food being greasy and was refunded $2.16 but Reagan began yelling obscenities, forcing several patrons with young children to leave.”After initially confronting the store manager, (Reagan) went behind the counter apparently to engage the cook in some verbal confrontation,” Briggs said.

There is such a thing as too much fun after all.

Israel recalls ambassador found naked, drunk

Diplomat found bound, wearing sex toys outside El Salvador residence

JERUSALEM – Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador after he was found bound, drunk and naked in the yard of his residence, a spokeswoman said Monday.

Tsuriel Raphael has been removed from his post and the Foreign Ministry has begun searching for a replacement, said spokeswoman Zehavit Ben-Hillel.

Two weeks ago, El Salvador police found Raphael naked outside his residence, tied up, gagged and drunk, Israeli media reported. He was wearing several sex toys at the time, the media said. After he was untied, Raphael told police he was the ambassador of Israel, the reports said.

You just have to wonder at the things people do for fun.

‘Jackass’ movie copycat lands in hospital

Wisconsin man suffers burns to genitals; second man faces criminal charges

EAU CLAIRE, Wis. – Attempts to duplicate a movie stunt landed one man in the hospital with burned genitals and another facing criminal charges.

The men were trying to do a stunt from one of the “Jackass” movies, in which a character lights his genitals on fire.