New Jersey woman is packing in 12,000 calories a day in a bid to become the fattest woman in the world. If I were her daughter I’d be careful not to spill any mustard on myself.

[ed: that's not the wide-angle shot, so to speak; see the original article for that kind of thing]

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From our Manila folder: Filipino karaoke singers risk death by singing Sinatra or John Denver tunes. You’d think “American Pie” would at least merit some waterboarding.

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A 19-year-old man is accused of hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing their automobile to crash. The suspect admits to the sandwich assault, saying he chose that over hitting the woman. Proof positive you don’t have to go underground to take the Subway!

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After doctors refused to further indulge a 48-year-old Korean woman’s addiction to plastic surgery, she resorted to injecting cooking oil into her own face. Before and after, below.

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Apparently frustrated in his search for an Amish female to molest, Ryan Bailey instead sexually assaulted a 29-year-old Amish man. The victim told investigators that Bailey said he had been looking for an Amish girl, but a man would have to do.

I was really just looking for a cheap excuse to post this ridiculous picture…enjoy.

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And what will you do when he does it?

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Thank goodness all the tyranny ends in January:

Actor and liberal activist Tim Robbins had a battle before he could vote in Manhattan on Tuesday. His name was missing from the registration rolls, and an election supervisor and a police officer got involved before Robbins got a judge to issue a court order allowing him to vote when his registration was later verified.

“This is just one example of how difficult it is to vote in the United States,” he said.

Hey pal–shank this: you’re a self important twit.

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Barring the polls (and the media, and the NEA, and the UC faculty lounges and anyone making under $250K $200K $150K…well, you get the idea) being wrong, we’re entering uncharted territory come January. The net result? We’ll all be finding out what it feels like when doves cry.

British political observer Melanie Phillips writing in the UK’s Spectator gawks in stupefied amazement:

“You have to pinch yourself—a Marxist radical who all his life has been mentored by, sat at the feet of, worshiped with, befriended, endorsed the philosophy of, funded and been in turn funded, politically promoted and supported a nexus comprising black power anti-white racists, Jew haters, revolutionary Marxists, unrepentant former terrorists, and Chicago mobsters, is on the verge of becoming President of the United States. And apparently, it’s considered impolite to say so.”

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Show this to your wife the next time she complains you didn’t do the vacuuming last weekend. This may put me off pizza for a long time, although I sadly suspect I may not have any appetite tomorrow night anyway.

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A French man attempting to retrieve his cell phone from the toilet on a high-speed French TGV train had to be removed from the train by paramedics, bowl and all. Oddly enough, the train actually smelled worse after the commode was removed. Oh, snap!

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