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Everyone should have a goal

New Jersey woman is packing in 12,000 calories a day in a bid to become the fattest woman in the world. If I were her daughter I’d be careful not to spill any mustard on myself.

[ed: that's not the wide-angle shot, so to speak; see the original article for that kind of thing]

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That guy’s version of “My Way” really killed…him

From our Manila folder: Filipino karaoke singers risk death by singing Sinatra or John Denver tunes. You’d think “American Pie” would at least merit some waterboarding.

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Shut your open face, woman!

A 19-year-old man is accused of hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing their automobile to crash. The suspect admits to the sandwich assault, saying he chose that over hitting the woman. Proof positive you don’t have to go underground to take the Subway!

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She’s got Wessonality!

After doctors refused to further indulge a 48-year-old Korean woman’s addiction to plastic surgery, she resorted to injecting cooking oil into her own face. Before and after, below.

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The Amish are powerless to fight their sexiness!

Apparently frustrated in his search for an Amish female to molest, Ryan Bailey instead sexually assaulted a 29-year-old Amish man. The victim told investigators that Bailey said he had been looking for an Amish girl, but a man would have to do.

I was really just looking for a cheap excuse to post this ridiculous picture…enjoy.

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