Archive for February, 2009

But what a way to go…

A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov $4,300 that he wouldn’t be able to follow through with the half-day sex marathon.

But minutes after winning the bet, the 28-year-old died of a heart attack, Moscow police said.

“We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do,” said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.

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Did you hear him say it?

I distinctly heard Obama say “Now, I don’t like big government” in his speech last night — but it’s not showing up in the transcripts.

Talk about chutzpah.

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New Stock Market Terms

I didn’t write these, but I did receive them in my in-box, which is pretty much the same thing, isn’t it? Anyhow, thought I would share:

New Stock Market Terms

CEO– Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET– A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET– a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING– The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO– The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.

STANDARD & POOR– Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST– Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT– When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION– The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS– What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo at=2 0$240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR– Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.

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My Latest Scam-appeal : The Tear Jerker

Yossi Mpesi wrote:
Hello,

My name is Yossi Mpesi, I am young boy of 16yrs old.  I lost my parents in different occassions and my only sister to the war in Congo where my father owned a diamond/gold mine. I am lucky that I was able to flee to this place here in Cote d’Ivoire by good grace my life. I am sure you are aware of the on going event in my congo due to the ethnic clash being experienced of this crisis situation. I am presently staying in a residence lodging apartment here in Cote d’Ivoire.

I would like to appeal to you confidentialy to assist me concerning my late father’s Fund which he deposited in a financial firm, he has the sum of nine million, two hundred and ten thousand Euro(Ђ9.210,000). I want to move out from here because of the my wicked stepmother who plotted with the rebels that killed my father and will stop at nothing to hunt my life except if i flee since my father own a diamond/gold mine.

So please i want to know you better. I am willing to offer you 921,000euro for your assistance after the successful transfer of this money for investment; I have plans to do investment in your country, like real estate, industrial production or any other lucrative investment you bring to my notice in your country.

If you are willing to help me please indicate in your next mail and let me know so that I can mail to you. Let me have your private telephone number & address so that i can communicate with you at any time for more details.

Thanks,

Yossi

Wow. Bummer. How can I help? — Henry

If he replies, I’ll keep you posted.

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Cher: Republican Rule Almost ‘Killed Me’

CNSNews.com – Cher: Republican Rule Almost ‘Killed Me’.

If only we’d held on a little longer… sigh

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