Archive for May, 2006

We have ways of making sure you don’t escape

… and even if you can’t walk, we’re gonna be sure of it.

A remand prisoner recovering in hospital after surgery to remove one of his legs lies handcuffed to his bed, his lawyer claimed yesterday. Carl Shepherd, 35, from Northern Moor, Manchester, suffered head and leg injuries when arrested for burglary and was transferred from Manchester prison to hospital, where his left leg was amputated below the knee to prevent the spread of septicaemia.

Now in a side room on a ward after leaving the intensive care unit, he is guarded by at least two prison officers.

“I was astounded when I went into North Manchester general hospital to see him in a small room at the end of the ward,” said Mr Shepherd’s solicitor, John Black. “When he lifted his hand up I could see his wrist was chained to the bed … I was shocked when I saw the handcuffs.

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Baby, I’m not cheating. Here, I’ll prove it!

No word on whether she believes him…

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) – A man who apparently severed his whatsit in an attempt to convince his wife that he was faithful to her was recovering after surgery to reattach the organ at a northern Malaysian hospital, a news report said Tuesday.

The 41-year-old man, who was not identified, got into an argument last Friday with his wife, who found a text message on his mobile phone from another woman. The man was heard by his son shouting that he wanted to prove he was not having an affair, the New Straits Times reported.

The assertion was followed by loud screams and the man emerged from his room bleeding profusely, his 14-year-old son quoted as saying. His wife rushed him to hospital.

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Definitely NOT DSOTW — but great news nonetheless

Good for them!

Two Army reservists are instant millionaires.

New York State lottery officials said Thursday that two jackpots of $1 million each have been won in the Fort Drum area. The lottery said the coincidence is unprecedented. One winning scratch-off ticket was bought by Wendy and Donald Childers.He’s a reservist who returned from a year in Iraq last November.The other winning ticket was bought by Stacy James. She’s an inactive reservist, whose husband is currently serving in Iraq.Both couples have three children.They said they plan to invest part of their winnings.

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Tiny brained car thieves

Cars with engines are a lot more valuable and, as an added bonus, are easier to steal.

BERLIN (Reuters) – Thieves broke into a car repair garage in Germany and sliced open the roof of a convertible being worked on, but had to abandon their night-time robbery when the vehicle wouldn’t start.

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What about cannibalism?

This looks like a winning political issue.

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) – Dutch pedophiles are launching a political party to push for a cut in the legal age for sexual relations to 12 from 16 and the legalization of child pornography and sex with animals.

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