Oh, this is a goldmine
February 24th, 2006 | 
Author: I recently encountered a paragon of self-loving-ego-driven bloviation over at the Anti-Semitic Cartoons Blog, who goes by the name of Tony Malone. There’s a link to his blog imbedded in his name, and he’s posted many thousands of words over a couple of days no doubt intended to offend Jewish people but more likely just causing everyone to skip over his drivel.
In one post, he claimed that he wrote such long screeds because he’s a “writer”. So, being curious, I googled him and found that, indeed, he IS a writer. No doubt self-published, his 2-volume masterpiece is called “The Bible for People Who Hate the Bible”
According to Tony’s publicist (no doubt the same fellow he looks at in the mirror each morning): “In the end, Judaism and Christianity are left in tatters and the reader is challenged to think, and to question everything that we have been taught for millennia about “God” and religion.”
I’m sure you’ll all join me in trembling in fear at the incoming demise of the Judeo-Christian ethic.
EDIT: An example of Tony’s superlative bloviating can be found as the lead comment to this post. While I’m just screwing around, one gets the feeling that to Tony, this internet stuff is deadly serious.
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11 Responses to “Oh, this is a goldmine”
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Hey thanks for the promo. I’d say I’m honoured but I can’t really tell if you actually know anything or you’re just pretending. I mean, at least I HAVE written books and have offered something of substance. All you do, as far as I can tell from your blog, is sit and quote a few sentences by people and then say how stupid you think they are. But how do we know that YOU’RE not stupid? Is there anywhere we can go to find out what you’ve done other than sit and say everyone’s stupid? And you really need to find more words that go with ass (asshat?? assclown??).
By the way, my books were very expensive to produce. If I could have afforded to publish them myself, I might not have written them – who needs to work so hard when they’re rich?
But your blog – I assume you are sponsored by some prestigious organization and you are not publishing it at home by yourself. Otherwise, according to your own measuring stick, your self-published blog is worthless and not to be taken seriously. It’s just you blabbering to yourself.
And no I didn’t write the blurb on the back of my books. If you had read my work, you would notice that I never use the expression “Judeo-Christian”. Never. One of my publisher’s publicists wrote it.
I’ll review your site on my blog to return the favour (obviously you were promoting yourself by putting your blog review on the Anti-Semitic Cartoon site, so you should appreciate the hype).
Thanks for calling my my work a “2-volume masterpiece”. How did you know when you haven’t read it? I am flattered – though not particularly honoured, seing the quality of your work – it’s good to see my name getting around, and it’s nice of you to provide links to my sites for those who may want to read more than the few sentences you managed with difficulty to absorb.
I wasn’t aware that I wrote “screeds”. This is fantastic! I’ve never written a screed before. Clearly I’m stepping into a new era in my life! I’ll have a business card made:
Tony Malone
Unapologetic Screed-Writer and Tome Specialist
Words and Paragraphs Available For All Manner of Silly Religious Endeavors
Contact: Dumbshit Of the Week Promotional Services
Welcome
Yes, I knew you’d love the attention. Actually, the whole point was to try and get you to send me a gratis copy of your work, but judging from your comment, I guess that’s not gonna happen.
Oh well.
Well you’ve got a funny way of making friends, guy. But it is my policy to give a set of my books to anyone who seriously wants to read and review them, so get back to me and we’ll see if we can get along.
I was reading more on your blog and I’m not the first to call your writing a “screed” — but I am NOT the Bible Thumper who wrote that letter way back when. Before yesterday, I’d not heard of you or your book. Not to mention that I’m not the type to go biblical on anyone, since I’m pretty unlettered when it comes to religious writings.
I’m very very busy with work and the like and won’t have time to read your books until perhaps this summer — but I wouldn’t expect you to pay for such things. I’m half-tempted to go order them just so I’ll have them on the shelf and ready for reading — I collect anti-Mormon books so these should fit right in.
As for making friends or the like — look, it’s all a goof. I found it very amusing that you went to the trouble to write all those pages on the Anti-Semitic site when clearly, they weren’t your most sympathetic audience — and when you write, boy oh boy do you write a LOT.
Have a great weekend, sell lots of books, post lots of “screeds” and remember, God still loves you, even if he’s going to send you to the eternal fires of hell.
hey Tiberias:
Writing is easy for me. In order to get my ideas about the Bible down on paper I had to learn to write (previously my writing was song lyrics and poetry, so I had no idea how to string thousands of thoughts together cohesively). I didn’t want to start with the pretense that I might be creating a literary work of art – with my first books! – so I thought, since I have no trouble holding an audience’s attention when I speak, if I could learn to get my speaking voice down on paper, I would have a worthy and articulate style. So as I’ve perfected this, I find I can just sit and talk away on paper as if I am talking in person. My screeds only take three or four minutes to speak out loud. Many of my radio interviews have been one or two hours long, so what’s four minutes to me? I think most people have a lot of trouble writing their thoughts, and when they see my long posts they must imagine I spend weeks on them. But really, it’s only a few minutes worth of words in each case. I just speak on paper more comfortably than most people.
As for how seriously I take this “internet stuff”, well, I am trying to sell books. And my posts on the Anti-Semitic Cartoon site had several impeti. One was “Holy Christ! People all over the world will be checking in here. I’m getting my name all over it!” I also had another, slightly more devious but far more ambitious, reason for my posts. I wanted to push the Jews who were reading to really step out of line. I thought it could start a worldwide chain-reaction of people being liberated from not being allowed to say bad things about Jews. If Jews provide this site for anti-semitic sentiments which they’re not going to get upset about, I will test them. I will throw all kinds of shit at them that they never think about, and see how impervious they are. I haven’t yet found any reason to be specifically funny on their site, because the subject matter is dead serious, though they think they’re going to have a big laugh at the end of it all. Personally I don’t think they will. But the potential for opening the floodgates with this contest is pretty awesome. WIll the Jews really be up to this? We’ll see. The jury is still out, and Tony is bloviating.
And you have a good weekend too, and no hard feelings. I will see you in hell. I’ll save a spot for you right by the furnace.
And you said you didn’t know what trolling was. Your motives are the essence of trolling. More power to you, as long as the Mossad doesn’t get pissy.
I was wondering which of you two were the most boring when I realized it was me for actually reading all the way through this semi-endless 2nd-grade-level nyah-nyah fest. On the other hand, as an unrepentant Catholic-hater I fit right in with the anti-Semite and the Mormon baiter. I’ve got it: let’s start a power trio and call ourselves SCREED!! xoxo
It could be a band. Tony can sing lead, I’ll tickle the ivories, and you’re on skin flute.
I’m in.
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