Archive for February, 2006

Just what I want from the attendants on my flight…

So there you are, just napping away. There’s a little turbulence; you grab your drink to keep it flying into the hair of the passenger in front of you. Suddenly, a flight attendant starts screaming “Oh my God! We’re going to CRASH!!!”


A stewardess caused panic by repeatedly screaming “We’re going to crash” when a packed plane hit turbulance.The Virgin flight hit bad weather three hours into a journey from Gatwick to Las Vegas. Some passengers were sick and others thrown from their seats as luggage, drinks and trays were tossed around. Those using the toilet at the time were stuck in the cubicle while others prayed and cried.

And their ordeal was intensified by the screaming stewardess.

Passenger Paul Gibson told The Daily Mirror: “She began screaming every time the plane shook.

“She shouted at the top of her voice, ‘We’re going to crash! We’re going to crash! We’re going to crash!”

The un-named woman – in her mid 20s – also lobbed sick bags across the cabin when poorly passengers screamed for more.

Crew members say it was the worst turbulance they had encountered. A spokesman for Virgin said no complaint had been received. Turbulance can be a very frightening ordeal,” he added.

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Welcome to Brokegoat Mountain

From “correspondants in Sudan“:

A MAN caught “in flagrante delicto” with a goat has been forced to marry the animal.

According to the local newspaper, The Juba Post, the goat’s owner, a Mr Alifi, caught his neighbour, Mr Tombe, assaulting his goat and reported the man to the local council of elders for adjudication.

“It was around midnight when Tombe came to do his nonsense on my goat, and I was already in bed inside my house,” Mr Alifi said.

“Suddenly I heard the goat make a loud noise. Immediately I rushed outside to find Mr Tombe was naked and engaged in a relationship with my goat. ” When I asked him what are you doing there, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up. They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife.”Mr Tombe agreed to pay a dowry of 150,000 Sudanese dinars ($125) for his new spouse.”We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together,” Mr Alifi told the Post.

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Study says fashionable women get better service

In a shocking new study, it was discovered that women who shower, who dress nicely, who wash and perhaps even brush their hair, get better service when they shop.

This study, no doubt tax-payer funded, was necessary. Why, I have no clue.

A new Ohio State study finds women who get the most attention at clothing stores may the ones least in need of help.

Researchers observed the way customers were treated at three plus-size women’s clothing stores and concluded that women who are well-dressed and well-groomed generally get the best service. Consumer sciences professor and study co-author Sharron Lennon said salespeople at the stores were rated on their congeniality and their speed in greeting customers.She said her team found the clerks were friendlier and often gave faster service to women with more fashionable and attractive clothing, hair and makeup.
Yet another example of why I’m in the wrong business. I should be writing a grant to study if men who shave and shower get better or worse reactions from hot young blondes.

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Poor bastard is down to his last million. I feel soooo sorry for him.

NEW YORK ( – Former Enron Chairman and CEO Ken Lay has seen his personal fortune eaten away by the collapse of the energy trader and his legal problems, and he could be forced to file for bankruptcy protection, according to a published report.

The New York Times reported that Lay’s stated net worth is now less than $650,000, down from as much as $400 million before Enron’s downfall in 2001.

And the Times said that latest valuation is probably on the optimistic side. It includes an estimated $1.9 million held in a trust that the paper reports is almost sure to be consumed by legal fees.

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Ring… ring… Roll over!

Now I’ve almost seen everthing. First, they brought us chicken broth in a box. Then, it was tunafish in an envelope. Now? It’s a cell phone for your dog.

Apparently, there’s a pressing need out there to be able to call your dog from the office, check up on him, and apparently, ensure that he never sleeps when you’re not around.

As if dogs don’t have enough stress in their lives, now they have to listen to their master’s voice 24/7. No word on what you can do if the dog starts calling 976 numbers incessantly.

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