Archive for December, 2005

If only they were all this clever…

… we’d have a much funnier (if not safer) world to live in…

Two would-be suicide bombers blew themselves up while strapping on explosives in an Afghan town bordering Pakistan on Thursday, police said.

No one else was hurt in the blast near the market in Spin Boldak, Afghan border force commander Abdul Raziq told Reuters.

“They were hiding explosives under their clothes when they went off,” he said, adding that police suspected the bombers had intended to target troops from the U.S.-led force in Afghanistan.

I’d insert some chortling cackling noise here, if only I knew how.

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So I’m thinking drinking too much on airplanes is now a bad plan…

If you must, just take a Xanax and chill until the plane lands already…

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Don’t forget to get a butt-facial this new year

WTF?

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Sorry to say, America is doomed.

No comment; I think this story speaks for itself:

After reviewing the number of hits top local stories at his newspaper’s Web site got in 2005, Seattle Times columnist Danny Westneat concludes today, “As I look back at the year in news, it’s clear I should have focused more on people having sex with horses.”

Indeed, four of the most-clicked stories on the Web site this year, including the No. 1 finisher (“by far”), had to do with the same incident: the man who died from a perforated colon while having sex with a horse in nearby Enumclaw. The farm was known on the Internet as a “destination site” for all kinds of sex with animals.

Westneat says, referring to the most popular list, “It’s not a survey of what news you say you read. It’s what you actually read.

“In fact, the No. 1 horse sex story may have been “the most widely read material this paper has published in its 109-year history. I don’t know whether to ignore this alarming factoid or to embrace it.” He added: “Or, maybe, some of us are not giving readers enough of what you really want.”

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It’s raining in Des Moines….

Pretty simple, really.

This genius figured no one would ever notice — alas, someone did. And now he’s in the can for lobbing piss into people’s yards.

Reno Tobler, a truck driver whose route regularly brings him to the Des Moines area, was charged with littering and harassment for throwing laundry detergent-size bottles of his urine into backyards of Forest Avenue residents. The properties back University Avenue’s north side in Clive.

Will wonders never cease? I hope not. Perhaps this genius could get one of these and take care of business without pestering the poor unsuspecting saps of Forest Avenue?

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