TINY MINDS

Or this idiot will try to suspend you…

Patrick Timoney brought a tiny Lego man, holding a two inch firearm, to his public school in South Beach, Staten Island this week. It nearly got him suspended.

And we wonder why kids are having a hard time learning stuff in our schools.

Here’s a new twist on the Nigerian bank scam email, this time tugging at one’s sympathy AND one’s desire to do something charitable:

Hello. My name is Mubaraq Ahmed, an Oil & Gas merchant in U.A.E. I’av been diagnosed with prostate and esophageal Cancer that was discovered very late due to my laxity in caring for my health. It has defiled all form of medicine and right now, I have only about a few days to live according to medical experts; I need your help in distributing my funds to charities as I have no family.if you can help me you will take 20% out of the funds and give 80% to the local charities of your choice. If you can help respond back to me on my private email: mubaraq11@freemail.lt Regards, Mubaraq Ahmed

Of course, what’s stopping him from just giving the money directly, himself, perhaps in his own country, is beyond me. Will wonders never cease?

Instead, they are worrying about global warming:

The nation’s top scientists and spies are collaborating on an effort to use the federal government’s intelligence assets — including spy satellites and other classified sensors — to assess the hidden complexities of environmental change. They seek insights from natural phenomena like clouds and glaciers, deserts and tropical forests.

Re-tasking the satellites away from watching Russia, North Korea, and Iran, not to mention looking for Waldo-bin-Laden? Sounds like a plan to me.

Ida May Fuller was the first Social Security recipient.

She is a case study in socialized  medicine, too.   She is a case study in socialized anything!

Be assured that Miss Fuller did nothing wrong.  She was just the first Social Security recipient and is an example of what can happen with socialized healthcare, too.

Facts about Miss Fuller:

• She contributed $22 in taxes from 1937 to 1939.
• She contributed to Social Security for less than three years.
• She retired in November 1939.
• She received her first Social Security check in January 1940.  That check was for $22.54.
• LINK LINK
• She never married and never had children.
• She lived with a niece.
• She lived to be 100.
• She died in 1974 after have received $20,944.42 in benefits.

Are there any “Ida May Fullers” out there who will be receiving socialized medicine?   The answer is YES!   They are the immigrants both legal and illegal will come to this country.  It will be the extended family members who will be sponsored into this country by their children who immigrated and became citizens.  These older people will be “Ida May Fullers”.

Who will pay for it?  The working taxpayers will pay for it.

“The problem in the Republican Party is that the leadership has gone to the left.”

– Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC), quoted by CBN News.

See the video here

Oh dear. I’m thinking Mr. Steele has his work cut out in repairing the conservative side of things:

In a three-way Generic Ballot test, the latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds Democrats attracting 36% of the vote. The Tea Party candidate picks up 23%, and Republicans finish third at 18%. Another 22% are undecided.

Great. More here: Tea Party Leads GOP

Great video.  Please watch it to the end.

One of the most important things you must do, once you decide to run for office, is to get a clear idea of WHY you are running.

This is the most fundamental question you will be asked, and you will be asked it early and often, all the way through election day.

Many political experts say, and rightly so, that you need to have a 10-second speech, a 60-second speech, and a longer statement. The shortest is for elevators, or the line at the grocery store. The 60-second might be for a luncheon event or networking situation, or when encountering the press from time to time. And fundamentally, rather than going into details of issues, you need to know, and relate, why you are running for office.

Keep it simple. For example, “I’m running for the legislature because I believe that ordinary folks can do a better job of representing our interests than the politicians we have in office now.” Or “I’m running because we need to really find out and control what’s going on in the state capital.”

Think about why you are running — if it’s not something external to yourself, you may want to think again about running. Many of our current politicians ran (and continue to run) because they think of politics as a career, or the next stepping stone on their way up the political ladder. You know that’s not you — make sure you communicate that to your voters – and let “why” you are running permeate everything you do in your campaign.

Obama is clearly in the campaign mode.  He displays here that he cares little for the victims of his Muslim brother’s killing spree. (more)

Fox News channel has reported:

• Hasan’s father was from a village in Palestine.  
• He stood on a table and shot down into cubicles in the processing center
• He can be turned over to Texas authorities to be prosecuted.  (Bring back “Ole Sparky”!)
• Hasan has been a Muslim from birth.
• Investigators are looking into Hasan’s computer and his connections.

Meanwhile, the London Guardian newspaper reports that a unpublished U.N. report states that the Iranians have tested a nuclear warhead.  (more)

Obama came to the presidency with no experience other than being  a community organizer.  When will be start being the leader of the Free World and stop campaigning?

Tea Party protestors rally against Obama’s socialized medicine proposal at the American Airlines sports center in Dallas, Texas on Nov. 5.

Is this the face of evil?

I’ve made that comment or something like it a number of times on Twitter over the past few months, and the recent elections in New Jersey and Virginia have borne me out. So what conclusion should that make ordinary, politically interested conservatives come to? It’s time, folks, to do it.

In 1993, I got very angry at my legislator for not returning my phone calls about a bill he was proposing in the legislature. So angry, in fact, that I decided he wasn’t going to run unopposed again in 1994. I beat him in a Democrat university town, and beat him again two years later. Turns out it was the perfect time to be going after the liberals — and that time is upon us again.

If you or someone you know is interested in running for office, I would recommend a number of preliminary steps — and I will be blogging about them over the next bit. Not anyone can run for office successfully — but if there was a time that was ripe for real conservatives to run for their local councils, legislatures, or even Congress against either Democrats or RINOs, this is that time.

Watch this space for more on how I did it (with a lot of help from my friends and family) — and for what to avoid after you actually take the steps to get running. If you’re interested in running for office, I would be happy to give you whatever advice and counsel I have to offer — RINOs need not apply (although my definition of a RINO is probably a lot more narrow than most of my conservative friends).

I want to tell you all about what happened to my wife, Sandi on Oct. 23.   She fainted while driving to work.   She managed to pull over and come to. I was talking with her on the phone when it happened.  I was terrified! She is a 70-year-old woman and very head strong.  She insisted on driving on to work.  I met her at the her work just as the EMT ambulance from Richardson, TX, got there.  They took her to the hospital emergency room of her choice, which was Presbyterian Hospital of Plano, TX.  They wheeled her into the ER and gave her an electro-cardiogram.  They checked her over for the possibility of a stroke.  Then — get this — they sent her right in for a brain scan.   She also got an x-ray, an IV, and a blood test.   The brain scan came up negative for stroke.  She walked out of the ER after three hours.   I was so relieved!

Now the clincher!   Her brother, who is a heavy boozer, DID have a stroke about two years ago. This man lost his speech and was partially paralyzed.  He lives in London, England, U.K.  The socialized medicine doctors in London told him he needed an emergency brain scan.  Then they told him that the brain scan would take up to four months!  He would have to go on a waiting list.  He had to go into a private health care facility to get the emergency brain scan.  The whole thing took about a week. During that week,  he was in agony.  He eventually partially recovered.

Now you decide which is the best health care system?   That’s not all.  The British socialized HC is a scandal.  I have compiled a list of newspaper articles on the terror of socialized medicine.  Just click HERE.

Before we throw away a working healthcare system, the best in the world, we should think very carefully, then keep what we have!

President Barack Obama yesterday praised Maine Sen. Olympia Snowe for voting for the Healthcare billl in committee.  According to Obama, his healthcare bill now has bi-partisan support.

But wait!  Sen. Snowe is a RINO, a Republican in Name ONLY.  This is the same senator who was elected in 1994  when the Republicans swept both houses of Congress.  Little thanks did she have for the Republican agenda.  She voted against the resolution that would have sent impeached and failed President Bill Clinton packing.  After that “victory” Clinton invited Snowe to the White House for an “After the Impeachment” Victory Party.

Snowe is not the first Maine senator to be out of step with the times.  In the 1950’s Maine had a notable GOP Senator in Margaret Chase Smith.   Chase Smith has the distinction of being the first woman whose name was put up for nomination for president of the United States.  That was the year that the Republicans embraced Arizona Sen. Barry Goldwater for president.

Chase Smith is also the author of the little known Declaration of Conscience in June 1, 1950.  Her declaration was a reaction to the Red Scare.   One of the leaders in Congress was her fellow senator, Joseph McCarthy.

Chase Smith unveiled her Declaration of Conscience on the floor of the Senate.  It declared:

• The right to criticize;
• The right to hold an unpopular belief;
• The right to protest;
• The right to independent thought.

Her Declaration was debated for a while, but her timing was terrible.  Only 24 days later, the North Korean Army launched an invasion across the 38th parallel and started the Korean War.  No one cared about the Chase Smith’s epistle after that.

Chase Smith’s seat eventually went over to Maine’s other senator, Susan Collins.   She, incidentally,  is the other RINO in the senate.

The Real conservative of that era and of all eras remains Goldwater.   What would he say today?

They really know how. Not sure where this comes from but I love it:

Just had a guy on Twitter claiming that 30% of every premium dollar goes to health-care insurance companies profits. So I figured I’d check out a couple of companies, via Morningstar Advisor Workstation.

Turns out that for 2008 and 2009 (so far), Humana had operating margins of 3.7% and 4.5% respectively — which provided a return on assets of 5.0% and 6.3%, and a return on equity of 15.3% and 18.2%. Not bad, but obscene? Give me a break.

Health Net, another “evil health insurance company” had operating margins of 1% and 1.1% for 2008 and 2009 to date — giving these bastards a whopping return on assets of 2% and 2.4% — and return on equity of 5.2% and 6.4%.

Bear in mind that they did, in actuality, turn a profit — a feat the Federal government has yet to replicate with Amtrak or the US Postal Service.

Perhaps my Twitter friend will point me towards this evil cabal of companies making 30% profits out of their revenues, as he claims. Somehow, I doubt it.

Although I realize that tens of people stop by here each month, usually on accident, I’ve decided that I liked my old Lemmings theme better than the stark and dreary Gadsden bumblebee theme. Hopefully once we get past the 15th of October, I’ll be able to jump back into the bloviating with both feet.

It could be hard to type that way, but we’ll see.

Thank goodness the Democrats rarely listen to her. But in a recent article on Salon, she makes a slew of good points – and asks a couple of searching questions.

Why did it take so long for Democrats to realize that this year’s tea party and town hall uprisings were a genuine barometer of widespread public discontent and not simply a staged scenario by kooks and conspirators? First of all, too many political analysts still think that network and cable TV chat shows are the central forums of national debate. But the truly transformative political energy is coming from talk radio and the Web — both of which Democrat-sponsored proposals have threatened to stifle, in defiance of freedom of speech guarantees in the Bill of Rights. … It was on talk radio, which I have resumed monitoring around the clock because of the healthcare fiasco, that I heard the passionate voices of callers coming directly from the town hall meetings. Hence I was alerted to the depth and intensity of national sentiment long before others who were simply watching staged, manipulated TV shows.

It was there for all to see. Those of us who are part of the mob, and helping drive the conversation online, could feel it in our bones. Too bad the Democrats, by and large, can’t seem to feel the populist anger that’s welling up all around them. Actually, it’s not too bad; the air has that 1994 smell to it, if you know what I mean.

Why has the Democratic Party become so arrogantly detached from ordinary Americans? Though they claim to speak for the poor and dispossessed, Democrats have increasingly become the party of an upper-middle-class professional elite, top-heavy with journalists, academics and lawyers (one reason for the hypocritical absence of tort reform in the healthcare bills). Weirdly, given their worship of highly individualistic, secularized self-actualization, such professionals are as a whole amazingly credulous these days about big-government solutions to every social problem. They see no danger in expanding government authority and intrusive, wasteful bureaucracy. This is, I submit, a stunning turn away from the anti-authority and anti-establishment principles of authentic 1960s leftism.

It’s easy — it hasn’t been about “people” in a long time, Camille. It’s about power. It’s about money. It’s about control. And it won’t end, ever, for them — because it’s all they know. The idealists of the 60’s are gone — either evolving into self-interested power-seekers, devolving into regular folks who just want to raise their families and make a living, or finally wised up and realized that the Republican or Libertarian Party is their true home.

I love the smell of 1994 in the morning. Smells like… victory. Some day, this regime is going to end.

Yesterday, the AP reported that

Van Jones, an administration official specializing in environmentally friendly “green jobs,” issued a statement of apology on Thursday. When asked on Friday whether President Barack Obama still had confidence in him, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said only that Jones “continues to work in the administration.”

Continues to work? Now that’s a ringing endorsement.

What truly baffles the mind is the fact that she was able to get onto the landing strip with her “weapon“.

I use quotation marks as, against an airplane, she might as well have simply been throwing rocks.

You mean entertainers like Beck and Olbermann are controversial on purpose? Who would have guessed?

‘course I don’t recall Olbermann having a problem with that movie about Bush getting assassinated — oh well.

Whole Foods still loves you, and they’re still a mass of gooey Leftists.

Today, on my way home from work, I stopped at the store to pick up some well-deserved barley-pop (they have a great selection) and ran into a friend of mine who works there.

Naturally, I had to stop and congratulate her on Whole Foods becoming the darlings of the Right Wing Conspiracy, with their CEO’s recent Op/Ed in the Wall Street Journal entitled “Whole Foods Alternative to Obamacare“.

She said “I just KNEW you were going to come in and give me a hassle about that!” and laughed. She then proceeded to give me a copy of a letter they are issuing to any offended Lefty who comes by to bitch about Whole Foods falling off the Obamawagon.

Here are a few excerpts:

As you are probably aware, John Mackey wrote an Op/Ed piece that was published in the WSJ earlier this week … John’s intent was to express his personal opinions – not those of Whole Food Market team members or our company as a whole. Still, it’s very clear that John’s piece offended some of our customers, other members of the communities we serve, and some of our team members as well.

We offer you a sincere apology.

Whole Foods Market has no official position on the issue. That said, we have attempted to be part of the solution in health care reform for many years by providing innovative health care options to our team members. We believe that our high deductible medical insurance plan coupled with a company-funded HSA is an excellent way to empower team members to make their own health care choices.

John wanted to share our experience with others through his Op/Ed piece. He believes that the specific ideas he put forward would improve access and cost of health care for more people. Because our plan has held down overal costs (relative to other plans), WFM has been able to pay 100% of the premiums for our full-time team members — about 89% of our workforce…

WFM has a 30-year track record of caring about our customers, team members and communites. From local loan programs to salary caps, from donations to non-profits to funding the Whole Planet Foundation, our innovative programs are created and designed by team members who care about their fellow citizens…

In other words, we’re still the wacky, quirky, Lefty folks you buy your arugula from, so don’t stop shopping here. Just because WE solved the healthcare problem for OUR employees in no way means that we don’t support socialized medicine for the rest of you suckers. Unless you take ours away; that would be bad. We think.

in the version of WordPress I was using that apparently allowed folks to add themselves to my links list — so instead of writing a new bloviation, we had to do a little maintenance — and I decided what the heck, I’d update the theme.

Since tens of you visit each week, I thought I’d put in the effort to make it a little less gloomy than the old “Lemmings” theme, that and brown isn’t a very popular color of late, thanks to Barbara Box-o-rocks. Oh, sorry, SENATOR Box-o-rocks. Sorry, I forgot how hard you worked to “earn” that title by smearing Hershensohn so slimely. I’m sure that took the wind out of your sails and all.

I just got asked yesterday on Twitter why I am against the so-called “public option” in the so-called “health care reform” proposals now pending in Congress.

Actually, I’m not against a “public option” — we already have one, and it’s called Medicaid — a program that ensures that the poorest and least insurable among us are covered in the health care system.

Seems to me that there are four simple things we can do to improve health care in this country:

1. Tort reform — limit punitive damages, and require arbitration before awarding people like John Edwards tens of millions of dollars paid by doctors and hospitals for malpractice insurance. The money freed up could easily amount to billions in savings to the current system, making insurance and services more affordable.

2. Create “assigned risk” pools, not unlike how car insurance works, to handle people with pre-existing conditions. We could even throw some money at subsidizing the programs, set up on the state level.

3. To cover those not already covered by Medicaid (some studies report that quite a few people who are currently “uninsured” don’t even realize that they qualify for Medicaid), up the income eligibility levels to allow more people who can’t afford private insurance to be covered. At the same time, expand Medicaid to cover wellness issues such as regular checkups, health education, smoking cessation and substance abuse treatment.

4. Once we’ve done the above, require everyone to have a basic basket of health insurance. This would spread the costs over those people who have “chosen” not to have health insurance because they are perhaps young and healthy, but could afford health insurance. We require all drivers to have liability insurance; we should do the same with health care, since more and more it’s being deemed an essential “right” (although I hate using that word), and at the very least is not refused to anyone at the emergency room. Free riders who are able to help pay should do just that.

Next, let’s see how we can make Medicaid and Medicare more efficient and effective before spreading these systems over the whole thing. Let’s keep the government from competing via subsidies to the “public option” against a system that 80% of it’s customers are happy with. Once we’ve accomplished the above four items, and we wait a couple years, we can guage the results and see what else we should do.

Creating a gigantic government bureaucracy to solve a problem that is only a problem for a minority of the populace, when it could be helped greatly by a combination of tweaking the way we do things and subsidizing our most needful citizens, makes a lot more sense to me than blowing up what we have and moving to the so-called “public option.”

Thoughts?

As usual, there’s a different set of rules for Congress, the Administration, and staff.

Not only do they get gold-plated healthcare, while designing an East German system for the rest of us, they apparently aren’t subject to the same insider-trading rules that the rest of us are under.

According to Politifact,

Thomas Newkirk, a partner with the law firm Jenner and Block, told us that indeed there’s some uncertainty about how insider trading rules impact members of Congress and their staff.

For example, in 2001, a financial consultant meeting with the Treasury Department learned that the department planned to kill off the 30-year bond. In turn, the consultant tipped off traders at Goldman Sachs who proceeded to use that information to make the firm lots of money. It was considered insider trading because the consultant knew he was not supposed to release the information, Newkirk said. Federal regulators settled with Goldman Sachs and the consultant for about $10.3 million in September 2003.

But with members of Congress, it’s different. Unless lawmakers have some express confidentiality agreement — whether it’s in writing or in word — they can do whatever they want with the information they obtain on Capitol Hill, Newkirk said.

Bruce Carton, a former Senior Counsel with the SEC’s enforcement division and current editor of Securities Docket, agreed there is uncertainty about the rules. “Insider trading depends on some kind of duty. You can steal information, but unless you have some sort of duty of confidentiality to it, you’re not going to be held liable,” Carton said.

Right now, there is no duty of conflict for Congress, their staff or executive branch employees, he said.

Hey I have an idea : How about a Pulitzer to the writer or writers who actually get off their arses and investigate what is probably the scandal of the century just waiting to be discovered?

I’m guessing we won’t be hearing about this poll from CNN any time soon — because it’s got some lousy news for BO. But it was conducted among likely voters, by James Carville’s Democracy Corps (I would post a direct link to their site but my virus software detected something horrible there — perhaps it was something fishy I should pass along to the White House)…

HT and for further analysis go to Redstate.com.

Anyhow, the poll was conducted the last week of July, and it’s not pretty if it’s any kind of trend:

Is Barack Obama too liberal? 54% of likely voters said yes.

Will Barack Obama raise your taxes? 54% of likely voters said yes.

Does Barack Obama promise things that sound good but won’t be able to get them done? 53% of likely voters said yes.

Is Barack Obama a “big spender”? 65% of likely voters said yes.

Source (see page 5)

Time to put on your Obama Joker masks and head for the town hall meeting to let your Congresscritter know what you think of Obamacized “health care”. Wouldn’t that be grand? I’d love to see the YouTube of THOSE meetings.

In 2002, and 2004, (and afterwards, as well), the Montana Republican Legislative Campaign Committee (LCC) developed what we called “The Republican Action Plan”. It was a list of around ten things that we promised to work to enact if elected, and all the candidates statewide used this as their campaign platform. It was VERY similar to the GOPAC “Contract With America” that led to great success in 1994’s Congressional races.

The basic idea is to come up with a list of specific things that could be accomplished that would move the state (or country) forward without being a partisan laundry list.

We’re in dire need of one, again, both in my current state, California, and nationally in 2010’s Congressional campaign.

Of course, I have a few ideas — mostly stolen, but still and all, they are fairly good and need a little honing. Over the next few months, I’ll be posting them to Twitter and here, and I would appreciate any suggestions for refining them AND getting them into mainstream GOP thought-streams.

… they’ve sucked me back in.

Recent experience with Twitter has led me to a renewed interest in politics, and hence a reason to get back into maintaining Tinyminds on a more regular basis.

It seems to me that now, more than ever, our nation and in fact our world is afflicted with TinyMinds Syndrome — when a “Beer Summit” can captivate the media for days, when Michael Jackson’s death can cause millions of people and millions of dollars to be utterly wasted (on many levels) for a month, when whether or not the Obama girls have a laptop for the summer makes front-page news, it’s time to sit up and say something.

We’re on the verge of destroying American health care. We’re talking about hobbling the financial markets. We’re down in the dumps because the “Cash for Crappers” money ran out after a week. We’re wondering whether we should be apologizing to the Universe for everything we’ve ever done in the past — and coming to the conclusion that, yes, we should.

In a nutshell, we’ve all gone nuts and lost our collective tiny minds. Well, most of us have.

Time to get to work, and make sure that tens of readers each week are subjected to the pointless drivel that used to make this place almost interesting to read.

Now, if I can get my fellow authors to put something worthwhile up, like they used to from time to time, we might actually attract tens of readers every few days. That would be something

- Henry

This just in from sabinajohn8@gmail.com

Good Day,

My Name is Mrs. Sabina Johnson,I am a retired Auditor With Shell Development Oil Company Hong Kong. I write to inform you of my intention to invest in a Hotel or any other business in your country and to request you to assists me in carrying out the feasibility studies on location, type and estimation on how much it will cost to establish a three star hotel, either by outright purchase, or already existing but dilapidated one and renovate or setting up a new one entirely or real estate and industrial production.

If you sincerely ready to assist me for the investment,I will give you the power of attorney to manage the investment on my behalf, Pending on when we will get a good site for the investment. I have (US$15,000,000.00) that I deposited in a Finance company in China mainland for this project.I am willing to give you 20% of the funds while the remaining 80% will be for my investment in your country.I will like you to provide me with more information about yourself e.g

Mrs. Sabina Johnson

1.Full name……………………………………………….
2.Address…………………………………………………
3.Occupation…………………………………………….
4.Telephone number……………………………………

I am in hospital now for knee injury operation, as a result of my old age but I have been assured by my doctor that I will be fine soon. Please do let me know if you are capable of handling all these. I will be expecting your reply as soon as possible.

Thanks and best regards.

Yeah, a retired auditor. Thanks for making CPA’s look good, Sabina (or Bob, or Mtutse, whatever your name actually is)….but still, great English for a Shell auditor — I especially like the touch where you call yourself Mrs. Sabina Johnson — because, after all, that’s modern usage. I often end my emails with Mr. Henry Jennings, doesn’t everyone?

Ding dong.

checkbook?

Though most of us haven’t had to use a “dog ate my homework” excuse since elementary school (and some of us not even then), this woman seemed to think her claim reasonable enough.

I kinda like this idea, and it’s good PR for the business.

A Spanish bar is encouraging clients to insult its staff – and offering free drinks for original or hilarious abuse.

“When you come in after work, you can say swear at them and call them bastard or imbecile,” said client Antonio Ossa.

He told state news agency EFE the promotion by the Casa Pocho bar, in the southern town of Cullera near Valencia, seemed like a good idea to him.

Remind me never to take away my son’s Xbox 360 — at least unless the guns are locked up.

A teenage boy in Ohio has been convicted of murdering his mother because she took away his copy of the video game Halo 3, and now faces the possibility of life in prison.

Daniel Petric, 17, shot both his mother and father in October 2007 with a handgun after what was potentially “weeks” of planning, according to the Associated Press. His father survived, but his mother died of a wound to the head. Petric’s defense attorneys had argued that he was not guilty by reason of insanity, claiming that he was dangerously addicted to Halo 3. Petric was tried as an adult in the Lorain County Court of Common Pleas.

I don’t think I’ll even bother to answer this one.

Hello,

Good day, My name is Mr. Song Li, I work with the Hang Seng Bank,I have a business proposal in the tune of $19.5m to be transferred to an Offshore account with your assistance if you are interested.

Send me the following:

Full names,
Private phone number,
Current residential address,

Finally after that I shall provide you with more details, my
Email address is songle99@yahoo.com.hk

Kind Regards,
Song Li Le.

From: Barrister Roy Smith Chambers London/England,
Email: barrroysmith@gmail.com

Dear Friend,

This letter is not intended to cause any embarrassment in whatever form, rather it is intended to contact your esteemed self, following the knowledge of your high repute and trustworthiness. Firstly, I must solicit your confidentiality. I know that a proposal of this magnitude will make anyone apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that it is made in good faith and will be of mutual benefit.

I am Barrister Roy Smith from England, the personal attorney to Mr. Kenneth, herein after referred to as my client, a national of your country, who used to work with Shell Petroleum Development Company in England. My client and his entire family were involved in a fatal motor accident, which unfortunately claimed their lives, along the express road, sparing none of the occupants of the vehicle. I have since then made several enquiries to your Embassy, in a bid to locate any relation of my late client, and these efforts of mine have not been productive. I came across your name during my search which is why I have contacted you to assist me in securing the money and property left behind by my client before they are declared as unclaimed and unserviceable by the Natwest Bank London where the have been lodged for safekeeping by the British Government .

I am particularly interested in securing this contract fund balance with Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF), totaling Thirty Million United States Dollar (USD30M). This is because the said Bank has issued a notice to me, unequivocally instructing me to produce the Next of Kin to the said account within the next fourteen official working days, or have the account confiscated. Considering my lack of success in my bid to locate his relatives for over two years, I solicit your consent to enable me produce you as the Next of Kin to my deceased client, since you both bear the same last name. The funds will then be transferred to you as the beneficiary and shared according to a proposed sharing pattern /ratio of 60:40 i.e. 60% for me and 40% for you. I will provide all the necessary and legally obtained documents to back up any claim we make regarding this
process, and will just require your understanding and cooperation to enable us achieve success within a legitimate arrangement, eliminating any liability resulting

My direct contacts have been provided; use same accordingly for effective communication. You can as well forward to me your Tel/Fax number immediately for more clarification on my late client.

Thank you.

Best Regards,
Barrister Roy Smith.
Email: barrroysmith@gmail.com

Your English is stilted for a barrister. You should try that again.

Also, there’s no such thing as a British “Federal Ministry of Finance”; most “Federal Ministries of Finance” are in African countries. As are you, I suspect.

Next time, do a little better research into which agency handles escheat in Great Britain. And stop referring to yourself as “from England”; the proper term is “from Great Britain” or just “from London”.

BTW, soliciting fraud is illegal, even if you are doing it via the internet across international borders — as an “English barrister”, you know that, and would be subjecting yourself to revocation of your license, being thrown in prison, etc.

Hence the whole thing is poppycock — although it’s pretty entertaining.

Man Locked Inside Bar After Falling Asleep – Portland News Story – WMTW Portland.

HOPKINSVILLE, Ky. — A patron at the I Don’t Care Bar & Grill evidently didn’t care about leaving until it was way past closing time and the door was locked.

The man, whose name was not released, told police in western Kentucky that he fell asleep inside the bar and when he got up to leave he set off the alarm. Hopkinsville, Ky., police officers arrived a few minutes before 3 a.m. Friday to find him still locked inside the establishment and unable to find a way out. So they helped him leave the bar. No one was arrested. Evidently it’s not a crime to be left behind after closing time at I Don’t Care.

Teen allegedly bites 11 students; father blames ‘Twilight’ movie | The Des Moines Register.

I blame idiot father.

The Earthpolice have once again created crime where there was once only normal life:

SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) — The quest for squeaky-clean dishes has turned some law-abiding people in Spokane into dishwater-detergent smugglers. They are bringing Cascade or Electrasol in from out of state because the eco-friendly varieties required under Washington state law don’t work as well. Spokane County became the launch pad last July for the nation’s strictest ban on dishwasher detergent made with phosphates, a measure aimed at reducing water pollution. The ban will be expanded statewide in July 2010, the same time similar laws take effect in several other states.

But it’s not easy to get sparkling dishes when you go green.

Many people were shocked to find that products like Seventh Generation, Ecover and Trader Joe’s left their dishes encrusted with food, smeared with grease and too gross to use without rewashing them by hand. The culprit was hard water, which is mineral-rich and resistant to soap.

As a result, there has been a quiet rush of Spokane-area shoppers heading east on Interstate 90 into Idaho in search of old-school suds.

That is all.

A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov $4,300 that he wouldn’t be able to follow through with the half-day sex marathon.

But minutes after winning the bet, the 28-year-old died of a heart attack, Moscow police said.

“We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do,” said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.

I distinctly heard Obama say “Now, I don’t like big government” in his speech last night — but it’s not showing up in the transcripts.

Talk about chutzpah.

I didn’t write these, but I did receive them in my in-box, which is pretty much the same thing, isn’t it? Anyhow, thought I would share:

New Stock Market Terms

CEO– Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET– A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET– a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING– The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO– The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.

STANDARD & POOR– Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST– Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT– When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION– The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS– What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo at=2 0$240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR– Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.

Yossi Mpesi wrote:
Hello,

My name is Yossi Mpesi, I am young boy of 16yrs old.  I lost my parents in different occassions and my only sister to the war in Congo where my father owned a diamond/gold mine. I am lucky that I was able to flee to this place here in Cote d’Ivoire by good grace my life. I am sure you are aware of the on going event in my congo due to the ethnic clash being experienced of this crisis situation. I am presently staying in a residence lodging apartment here in Cote d’Ivoire.

I would like to appeal to you confidentialy to assist me concerning my late father’s Fund which he deposited in a financial firm, he has the sum of nine million, two hundred and ten thousand Euro(Ђ9.210,000). I want to move out from here because of the my wicked stepmother who plotted with the rebels that killed my father and will stop at nothing to hunt my life except if i flee since my father own a diamond/gold mine.

So please i want to know you better. I am willing to offer you 921,000euro for your assistance after the successful transfer of this money for investment; I have plans to do investment in your country, like real estate, industrial production or any other lucrative investment you bring to my notice in your country.

If you are willing to help me please indicate in your next mail and let me know so that I can mail to you. Let me have your private telephone number & address so that i can communicate with you at any time for more details.

Thanks,

Yossi

Wow. Bummer. How can I help? — Henry

If he replies, I’ll keep you posted.

CNSNews.com – Cher: Republican Rule Almost ‘Killed Me’.

If only we’d held on a little longer… sigh

Sacramento, CA (FLP) — California Lottery officials, working closely with legislative budget staff, have agreed to indefinitely suspend Lottery payouts to winners.

“The State is running out of money, and it’s only fair that Lottery winners do their part to help shore up our finances”, said Bruce Warner, assistant Lottery Commissioner. “What we’re going to do is continue to run all of the California state lotteries, but we will delay payout of the prizes for a minimum of three years. ”

“This will extend to scratchers, as well. Obviously, a scratcher winning $2 not paying off for three years is not going to be an undue hardship to the winner”, he continued.

’nuff said.

‘There’s no reason only poor people should get malaria’: The moment Bill Gates released jar of mosquitoes at packed conference | Mail Online.

Awesome thinking, Bill.

‘Malaria is spread by mosquitoes,’ the Microsoft founder yelled at a well-heeled crowd at a technology conference in California.

’I brought some,’ he added. ‘Here, I’ll let them roam around – there is no reason only poor people should be infected.’

So let me get this straight — malaria is spread by mosquitoes, and now one of the richest men in the world is putting himself in charge of spreading the mosquitoes?

Nicely thought out.

Wow, must be my lucky day to get two of these in a row. This one’s semi-original, but more of the same:

I  am Mr B Marshall, Senior Staff, with a Bank here in Madrid-
Spain. I got your contact while searching for a reliable someone
to contact for this transaction in regards to a business transfer
for a huge sum of money in a dormant account. I need your
assistance to transfer to overseas Nine Million, Five Hundred
and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars Only (US$9,550.000.00).

I am seeking your humble assistance to provide either an existing
bank account or set up a new Bank account to receive this fund,
even an empty account can serve this purpose, or you help to
seek an honest and, reliable businessman who can assist us. Though
I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one
apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that this
transaction is being handled by me and my colleagues, who are
also departmental heads in the same bank. 

During the course of our audit ing we discovered a floating
fund in a domiciliary account opened in the bank in 2000 and since
2004 nobody has operated on this account, after going through some
old files in the records we discovered that the owner of the
account who is a foreigner died in Madrid Bombing of 11th of March
2004, without any traceable next of kin hence the dormant nature
of the account and if nobody come to claim this funds it will be
re- channel to government coffers as unclaimed funds.

If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not take undue
advantage of th e trust I have bestowed in you,
I await your swift response via my personal
mail : (marshall22b@gmail.com)

Mr. B MARSHALL

Gonna start posting various Nigerian Money Scams that I receive via email. There are many variations, and I think one more exposure of them is just what the doctor ordered.

Don’t let your friends or family even consider communicating with these crooks, under any circumstances.

Here’s one I just received:

website: www.lotto.nl

Batch No.998/7890/543
Ref No.512/333/765
Ticket/Series No.SPL77734
Amount Won: $2,000,000.00 USD

www.lotto.nl

Attn: EMAIL BEARER,

Upon the conclusion of our recent e-lottery draws, your email address was
selected from an exclusive list of 150,000 email addresses
generated from an internet resource database.

You are therefore to receive a cash prize of $2,000,000.00. (Two Million
United States Dollars).

To file for the processing of your prize sum payment, you are advised to
contact our Certified and Accredited claims agent for category "A"
winners with the information below:
*************************************
Mr.ARNOLD HENDRIK
Email:nlpromo01@yahoo.com.hk
Tel:+31-643-862-769
Fax:+31-847-375-060
www.lotto.nl

*************************************
You are advice to provide him with the following information and a copy of
your international passport or driver's license via email
attachment or by fax for vetting process which is a standard practice just
to ensure that we are dealing with the right individual.

Names:
Telephone/Fax number:
Nationality:
Age:
Occupation:
Identification I D:

NOTE: Ensure to quote your Reference Numbers in all your communication with
your claims agent. All winnings must be claimed not later than 7
days, thereafter unclaimed funds would be included in the next stake.
Remember to quote your reference information in all correspondence.

Yours Sincerely,
Mrs. KATHY VERO
Lottory  Co-ordinator

Official: Performance czar withdraws candidacy.

President Obama is having the darnedest time finding cabinet members who aren’t tax cheats. In this latest round of idiocy, Ms. Killefer, who used to be all over catching high-profile tax evaders at the Treasury, actually was stupid enough to have gotten to the point that the IRS filed a LIEN on her HOME.

Folks, the IRS doesn’t file a lien on your home until it’s the last possible thing they can do — and THEN she waited another 6 months or so to pay it off. Note that a lien is good for a 100 pt reduction in your FICO score.

Then we have Tom Daschle, who’s so stupid that he doesn’t know that compensation is taxed regardless of whether it’s cash or not, and Tim Geithner, a financial genius so important to the economic recovery that (even though he signed papers acknowledging that he needed to pay self-employment taxes on his IMF salary, he totally blew it off — and that’s not something that’s easy to do in TurboTax; you have to actually try) he’s still a keeper for Obama.

Course, with the apparent lack of compliance amongst Democrat officialdom, there’s no doubt that we’re going to need hefty tax increases, real soon.

Woowoo.

NYC cabbie mistakenly beaten by good Samaritans. This poor bastard was just trying to get his fare from some women who ran away from his cab — and was beaten bloody for his troubles by passersby who supposedly thought they were witnessing a purse-snatching.

Ack.

This site is full of tinyminds — except here, they self-report. I love it; although a lot of it is mundane, there are some really excellent self-confessed ding-dongs out there — and one can always find something frighteningly familiar in the reported adventures.

Check it out; once BlogRolling is back, this site will be on my ‘roll.

Funny everyday life quotes | jinxed.org.

I am SO stoked that the RNC has elected Michael Steele as the new chairman. I’ve met the man, and he’s not only a clear-thinking conservative, he has the kind of charisma that the party needs to move forward.

Congratulations, Michael and RNC — you’ve done a good, non-tinyminds kind of thing with this latest move.

GOP elects first black national party chairman.

If you like the Onion, but also are of a conservative bent, you really should check out the Endive. My current favorite article is the one about Obama’s nipples. I could explain, but … that would ruin the fun.

The Endive – The News Leader of the Known Universe.

along comes something stunning, original, and so downright stupid that it leaves you gasping for air.

Is your marriage suffering? Do you lack the kind of true intimacy that you used to have, but now no longer enjoy?

One solution is to do more things together with your significant other. And what thing would bring you closer than… well, poopoo?

Yes, it’s true — a brainiac of gigantic proportions has invented the “Toilet Built For Two.”

Hard as it is to believe, this $1,400 loo has an optional 7″ LCD TV and iPOD docking port.

Just what my wife wants for Valentine’s Day, I’m certain of it.

Thanks, Obama. Your coronation is going to destroy the planet.

According to the Institute for Liberty,

It would take the average US household 57,598 years to produce a carbon footprint equal to that of the new president’s housewarming party.

So, the incoming greenies have no problem with shamelessly contributing to the destruction of life on earth in the pursuit of celebrating the ascension of The One.

Nice.

So the GOP is out in the woods again. Boo hoo. We have only ourselves to blame.

We should blame ourselves for not being conservative in deeds as well as rhetoric. We should blame ourselves for trying to be “compassionate” with other people’s money. We should blame ourselves for allowing the movement to be distracted by wars. Wars happen — but the rest of our economy, our society, our culture goes on at the same time and must be addressed. We have elected leaders in the party who are technicians and networkers, not charismatic representatives of the conservative point of view. We have assumed that money wins elections. It doesn’t. Elections are won by big ideas married to big personalities. We had neither on the ticket this time around.

I could go on and on about what went wrong — but instead, I will be posting on how we can get it right next time and in the future.

What are you finding out about the course? Is it just hype and public information, or is it actually worth $2,000? It never ceases to amaze me that people will purchase absolutely already available information for vastly inflated prices — in this case, am I wrong?

Talk to me.

Well, don’t fall prey to diet scams on the Internet.

As anyone knows who surfs the Web, there are a myriad of people claiming that they have the cure for obesity. And it’s fast, easy, and only costs a little of your hard-earned cash to have these secrets revealed to you!

According to WebMD.com, the top five diet scams include:

• Metabolism-boosting pills based on herbal ingredients
• Fat- and carb-blocking pills
• Herbal weight loss teas
• Diet patches, jewelry, or other products worn on the body
• Body wraps or “slim suits”

Some people really can’t get their minds around the concept that most obesity is caused by two major factors: Too many calories in, and too little exercise to burn it back off.

Try the TinyMinds.Net weight loss program!!!

Want to lose weight? Stop stuffing your gob, and get your ass off the couch.

Thank you, that will be $29.95.

I knew nothing good would come of automated red-light cameras at intersections. These collosal money-makers for local jurisdictions have been shown to not only not reduce the incidence of red-light running, but in fact encourage unsafe behavior at such intersections. Now, we find that teenagers may be using them to punk their enemies or teachers or the like:

As a prank, students from local high schools have been taking advantage of the county’s Speed Camera Program in order to exact revenge on people who they believe have wronged them in the past, including other students and even teachers.

Students are even obtaining vehicles from their friends that are similar or identical to the make and model of the car owned by the targeted victim, according to the parent.

Students from Richard Montgomery High School dubbed the prank the Speed Camera “Pimping” game, according to a parent of a student enrolled at one of the high schools.

Originating from Wootton High School, the parent said, students duplicate the license plates by printing plate numbers on glossy photo paper, using fonts from certain websites that “mimic” those on Maryland license plates. They tape the duplicate plate over the existing plate on the back of their car and purposefully speed through a speed camera, the parent said. The victim then receives a citation in the mail days later.

Hat tip to InstaMonkey

On behalf of Planet Earth, I would like to once again apologize to any actually intelligent creatures in the Universe. It seems that we have reached a new low; crawling into the space between Gov. Blogo’s belly and the ground, which is no mean feat, we have:

WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) — Humane officers said a Pennsylvania woman marketed “gothic kittens” with ear, neck and tail piercings over the Internet. Officers with the SPCA of Luzerne County removed three kittens and a cat from a home outside Wilkes-Barre.

Officer Carol Morrison said the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals raided the home on Wednesday after getting a tip that the woman was selling the pierced kittens on eBay.

“It’s unbelievable anybody would do this to kittens,” Morrison said.

Charges are likely against the homeowner, whose name was not released.

Morrison said the woman has a pet grooming business in the basement of the home.

Which is quite normal, coming from the alleged humor-banks here at Tiny Minds.

However, I’m on the trail of what I believe is either a ponzi scheme or at best, a very VERY expensive “educational” program currently raging all over the internet. This “program” is called “Arbitrage Conspiracy” and it involves the payment of thousands of dollars for a two-week “course” that teaches you how to sign up for Google AdWords and ClickBank (or their equivelents), set up a “landing site” and start collection zillions of dollars in affiliate marketing fees.

Now, I’m all for making money on the Internet, but a few hours surfing, or a trip to Barnes and Noble and around $40 bucks worth of books, can teach you all of that.

The founder of “Arbitrage Conspiracy” claims that he makes $50-100k per day through his efforts — but doesn’t reveal what percentage of that is in fees collected from his erstwhile students.

Please — if you know anything about this program, please email me or leave a comment on this post. I want to get to the bottom of this, as I know personally at least one person who is in the process  of being burned by these folks.

Dictionary.com defines arbitrage as “the process of arbitration — decision by arbitration”. Commonly in business, it means buying something “the simultaneous purchase and sale of the same securities, commodities, or foreign exchange in different markets to profit from unequal prices.”

What the hell does that have to do with affiliate marketing? And why is it a conspiracy?

And in aggravated assault news, we have the following silly story:

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. (AP) – Police said a Port St. Lucie man was arrested for throwing a sandwich at his girlfriend, the second food attack that sent a man to jail in about a month. According to a police report released Monday, the 20-year-old man threw the sandwich at his girlfriend’s face during an argument about auto insurance and then hit her head with his fist.The man admitted to throwing the food but not hitting her. He was arrested Friday and faces a battery charge.

Last month, another man was arrested on a battery charge for hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing a  traffic crash.

Police reports did not [report] what type of sandwich was used in either attack.

… this little beauty…

If you don’t read this and then say “Run OMG run!!! Oh MY GOD!!!!”, you’re an idiot.

Seriously.

Here goes the verbatim text as of this “disclaimer” — btw I frankly detect a certain Eastern European Mob lilt to the text but perhaps that’s just me (oh, and nota bene, the italics are mine lol):

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Wow.

Simply, wow.

In German Youth News, (and isn’t that something we all follow with aplomb?) the AP has reported that the top three German youth words this year are:

Judges chose “gammelfleischparty”, or “spoiled meat party,” – an unflattering term for a gathering of people over 30 – as the “youth word of the year 2008.” The word “gammelfleisch” was in the news frequently during the year when it was discovered that meat packers had been regularly supplying some kebab restaurants with past-due products.

“Bildschirmbraeune” or “screen tan” – referring to the complexion of someone who spends too much time at a computer – came second, while “unterhopft,” meaning “underhopped,” or in need of a beer, took third.

I just knew you’d want to know.

ST. LOUIS (AP) - Santa aside, that trip down the chimney doesn’t work so well after all. Police arrested a burglar early Wednesday who spent a harrowing three hours stuck inside the chimney of a pawn shop.Authorities were called to the location at 3 a.m., and found the man wedged in the chimney, unable to move. After about three hours, rescuers were able to knock away bricks and free him.

He was taken to a hospital for evaluation. The man’s name has not been released.

This is a two-fer -- if you'd like a Simpsons avatar, visit here

According to this article, Second Life avatars use more energy than the typical Brazilian. So not only are you massively wasting your time on Second Life, you’re killing the planet.

Just die, already.

There are literally bjillions of gigabytes of absolute crap on the Internet — this site included. But just in case something wasn’t covered, American Chronicle decided that it had to make this contribution. Apparently, chronic nose-picking is now officially an addiction.

Thanks.

On behalf of the human race, I would like to apologize to the rest of the Universe for this particular bit of teh intarweb.

So there you are, running Customs and Immigration for the Massachusetts region. You oversee operations to protect the ports, airports, etc., from illegal trafficing, smuggling, and an influx of illegal immigration.

Hey, I have an idea — wouldn’t you be perfectly placed to find and hire people to work for you, real cheap? You could even give them sound advice on how to avoid being apprehended by … people like you!

Sounds like a plan to me…

Homeland Security Official Hires Illegal Immigrants

Fri, 12/05/2008 – 15:21 — Judicial Watch Blog

A high-ranking Homeland Security official, who oversees a large division responsible for preventing illegal immigrants from entering the U.S., has been arrested and charged with hiring them as domestic workers.

For years, the Massachusetts regional director of Customs and Border Protection (Lorraine Henderson) paid illegal immigrants cash to clean her house and she even coached them on how to avoid deportation.

I know we here at Tiny Minds like to poke fun at folks who are, well, over-the-top fat. But the alleged unattractiveness of the morbidly obese cannot hold a candle to this:

Click for even more grotesque examples of how NOT to manage your weight...

Patients beware. Among the dumbest things noted that doctors wrote on patient’s charts:

“Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.”

“Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.”

“She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.”

“She is numb from her toes down.”

“While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.”

“The skin was moist and dry.”

Enjoy.

Sorry, but this is just one of the best headlines we’ve seen in a long time.

BERLIN (Reuters) – Germany’s churches criticized a businessman on Tuesday for selling thousands of Jesus chocolates.

Frank Oynhausen set up his “Sweet Lord” chocolate Jesus-making business saying he wanted to restore some traditional religious values to Christmas in Germany.

But the German Protestant Church criticized the idea as “tasteless” and the Roman Catholic Church was not amused.

So to speak:

VALENTINE, Neb. (AP) – Ten misdemeanor counts have been filed against a man Cherry County authorities believe is the vandal some townspeople have dubbed the “Butt Bandit.”

Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said that on Tuesday he filed nine counts of public indecency and one count of disturbing the peace against 35-year-old Tom Larvie, of Valentine. All are misdemeanors.

Larvie is suspected of leaving greasy, graphic imprints of his naked behind, and sometimes his groin, on the windows of stores, churches and schools in Valentine since the spring of 2007.

The marks were made with lotion or petroleum jelly.

Scott said Larvie was caught in the act by police early Wednesday morning.

This should serve as a reminder that our police officers do a dirty, nasty job, sometimes. I would NOT want to be the guy who had to pat him down.

Boy, I wish I’d thought of this one. There’s nothing sexier than scared women shaking their legs.

A Japanese man was arrested for releasing hundreds of beetle larvae inside a moving express train to try to scare female passengers, police said Tuesday.

“I wanted to see women get scared and shake their legs,” police quoted 35-year-old Manabu Mizuta as saying.

I’m still trying to figure out why this was a problem. Little shit got what was coming, says I:

AMBRIDGE, Pa. (AP) – A school bus driver will be charged with endangering a 10-year-old boy for intentionally braking suddenly so the boy would fall down, police said.

The driver was upset because the boy would not remain in his seat, Harmony Township police Sgt. Jim Essek said.

The driver told the boy to stop moving around before allegedly threatening him by saying, “If you do it again, I’ll knock you down,” Essek said.

When the fourth-grader moved around again, the bus driver hit the brakes.

From time to time I look at the referrals we’re getting for our traffic. Just now, a bloke (I will presume) searched Yahoo for a term that brought him to Tiny Minds.

“tiny girl shower sex pics”.

First off, how in the hell did that lead him here, and second off, what kind of a sick son of a bitch would search for such things on the Internet?

Third, how did he think no one would notice, or take note of his IP address?

Please, buddy, just off yourself. Do us all a favor.

Apparently, this is no joke:

A popular comedian active in Burma’s democracy movement has been sentenced to 45 years in jail by a Burmese court.

Seems this funny guy had the nerve to be trying to send aid to victims of the recent cyclone that devastated large parts of the countryside in May.

An outspoken satirist of the military government, Zarganar had already been arrested and jailed four times before he was taken from his home again by the authorities in June.

Hopefully, Dennis Miller will take this to heart as our new regime takes power. Obama doesn’t seem to have the same sense of humor as W had — and who really knows what kind of “change” is coming?

Canada’s Supreme Court today ruled that differently-weighted people (ie. people with gigantic arses) have a “right” to two seats on an airplane for the price of one.

In a move right out of some sort of Kurt Vonnegut nightmare, these dipsticks have essentially said that, rather than have to deal with their gluttony, the rest of us must now subsidize their excessive burger-and-fries narcissism.

Coming soon to the 9th Circuit, no doubt of it whatsoever.

A 19-year-old man is accused of hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing their automobile to crash. The suspect admits to the sandwich assault, saying he chose that over hitting the woman. Proof positive you don’t have to go underground to take the Subway!

should take this as it’s model:

VIENNA, Austria (AP) – Cabs in the Austrian city of Salzburg just got classier: Drivers can no longer wear tracksuits. The new regulation took effect earlier this month in an attempt to improve the image of cabbies in a place known for its upmarket clientele.

I’ve heard of people getting drunk and arrested for it. But this guy takes the cake; assaulting his arresting officers with a golden shower wasn’t the smartest move, I’m thinking.

I think it’s best to not find a picture to illustrate this story. You’re welcome.

After doctors refused to further indulge a 48-year-old Korean woman’s addiction to plastic surgery, she resorted to injecting cooking oil into her own face. Before and after, below.

Apparently frustrated in his search for an Amish female to molest, Ryan Bailey instead sexually assaulted a 29-year-old Amish man. The victim told investigators that Bailey said he had been looking for an Amish girl, but a man would have to do.

I was really just looking for a cheap excuse to post this ridiculous picture…enjoy.

Not one week after his winning the Electoral College, Barack Obama is being “called upon” to stop raids on illegals, and make them legal citizens.

How dare they actually believe in their religion? That pesky Bill of Rights needs to be canceled, right now!

Proponents of Gay Marriage have set upon a singular target for their post-election angst: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. These folks have the temerity (along with what, 70% of black voters), to actually vote the way their conscience dictates.

I for one could give a hoot about who you want to “love”. That’s your personal, private business. But this all boils down to a word: Marriage. California allows “civil unions”; I’m all in favor of that. The Law itself allows anyone to enter into any kind of contract you might conjure up.

To a lot of people (including such nobodies as our Founding Fathers), marriage has a specific meaning — a basic, God-given covenent between one man and one woman to found a family that is the basic foundation of civilization.

Why would people want to take away the “specialness” of such an institution?  Can you imagine the lawsuits that would issue forth restricting religious liberty (there I go again with that pesky Bill of Rights).

Catholic Churches refusing to marry two women? Why, they ought to lose their tax-exemptions!!!1!

Mormons, who believe that homosexuality is (gasp!) a sin, if actually committed? They would be hauled up before the secular courts for denying “marriage” — even Temple marriage, which is restricted even for members. (BTW has anyone actually looked at the numbers of LDS in California? Guess what, it’s far larger than you might otherwise surmise — and it’s far more prosperous than you might also otherwise assume.)

Anyhow, I could go on and on. And perhaps I will.

The Toy Hall of Fame, in a sudden and no-doubt highly controversial move, will induct “The Stick” into the Hall.

Previously, such amazing inventions as “the cardboard box” have been inducted.

I’m still pulling for the “finger gun”, that was one of my favorites growing up.

Who do you see in this picture? Now, stand up and back off from your computer, and who do you see?

Hat tip to Steve Ray’s Blog

What do you do if the police won’t hear your complaint or take you seriously? Apparently, the best thing to do is call them over 7,000 times.  Or maybe it isn’t.

Japanese police arrested a woman for making more than 7,000 emergency telephone calls because an officer did not take her initial complaint seriously, a police spokesman said Wednesday.The 38-year-old was arrested on Tuesday on charges of obstructing police work, a police spokesman in western Osaka said.

She made 7,177 calls during the day or night between September 14 and October 13 this year, sometimes shouting “drop dead” at police, he said.

The woman first called in 2005 to say she had been hit by a man, but the officer who answered her call “did not take the allegation seriously, because what she said was hard to understand,” he said.

“She apparently had a grudge against police officials,” he said.

I should say so. I also think the police showed remarkable, almost zen-master patience.

But not because Barack won — it’s because he’s suddenly no longer needed. While this election meant many things, it also meant that we’ve finally put to rest the idea that “AmeriKKKa” is a racist country.

Yeah, we have a bunch of red-neck race haters — and we still have their opposite numbers amongst people of color. But this election proves once and for all that Americans just don’t care about skin color. Of course, we also apparently don’t care about creeping socialism, income redistribution, billion dollar elections, ACORN, government control of health care, supporting our troops overseas or defending our country from its enemies.

But at least we’re not racists.

Due to the extreme danger of smoking, and the surplus of people willing to foster children,

LONDON (Reuters) – A council has become the first in London to rule that smokers will no longer be able to foster children.

Redbridge Council’s cabinet agreed Tuesday night to a ban on placing children with foster carers who smoke unless there are exceptional circumstances.

No doubt, soon we will also see a ban on parents who curse, people who are overweight, foster parents who drive too fast, volunteers who fart occasionally, and anyone who might possibly vote conservative.

And what will you do when he does it?

Thank goodness all the tyranny ends in January:

Actor and liberal activist Tim Robbins had a battle before he could vote in Manhattan on Tuesday. His name was missing from the registration rolls, and an election supervisor and a police officer got involved before Robbins got a judge to issue a court order allowing him to vote when his registration was later verified.

“This is just one example of how difficult it is to vote in the United States,” he said.

Hey pal–shank this: you’re a self important twit.

Barring the polls (and the media, and the NEA, and the UC faculty lounges and anyone making under $250K $200K $150K…well, you get the idea) being wrong, we’re entering uncharted territory come January. The net result? We’ll all be finding out what it feels like when doves cry.

British political observer Melanie Phillips writing in the UK’s Spectator gawks in stupefied amazement:

“You have to pinch yourself—a Marxist radical who all his life has been mentored by, sat at the feet of, worshiped with, befriended, endorsed the philosophy of, funded and been in turn funded, politically promoted and supported a nexus comprising black power anti-white racists, Jew haters, revolutionary Marxists, unrepentant former terrorists, and Chicago mobsters, is on the verge of becoming President of the United States. And apparently, it’s considered impolite to say so.”

Poor guy finally realized his lifelong dream of bowling a perfect game. And promptly kicked the bucket.

RAVENNA, Mich. (WZZM) – Teammates in his bowling league think after rolling a perfect 300 game Don Doane’s heart just gave out.

“You get nervous shooting a 300,” says teammate Todd Place. “The pressure keeps building,” says bowling alley owner Jim Nutt.

Minutes after achieving the life long goal of a perfect game the 62 year old bowler collapsed and died at Ravenna Bowl in Ravenna. “Don just collapsed,” says alley owner Nutt. ” At first we thought he just fainted.” “Then when I rolled him over I realized it wasn’t good,” says teammate Place.

“I think he died by the time he hit the floor.” Don Doane was a member of the “Nutt Farm” bowling team at Ravenna Bowl for 45 years. His teammates says its strange not to see him on league nights.

“It was like a book, a final chapter,” says Place. “He threw his 300 game with all of his friends, gave each other high-fives and it’s like the story ended. He died with a smile on his face.”

He reached his goal; he went out with a smile. But for me, I guess I will have to just put off shooting par out at El Cariso indefinitely. It could be fatal.

Show this to your wife the next time she complains you didn’t do the vacuuming last weekend. This may put me off pizza for a long time, although I sadly suspect I may not have any appetite tomorrow night anyway.